Congratulations to Jay London for scrambling onboard the L.C.S. boat. We here at SHECKYmagazine fully intend to bring you coverage of the final shootout in Los Angeles. The folks at NBC are uncertain which night they'll hold the finals. If our schedule syncs up with that of the Peacock, we'll be there to upload pics and text. (And, if we can't make it, someone from SHECKYmagazine will be there!)

The L.C.S./SHECKYmagazine Readers' Poll has been reset and London's name has been inserted. Please take a moment to vote for the winner over there ---> Here's the results from the most recent poll: We watched the show last night on a big ol' TV in the green room at the Borgata Comedy Club in Atlantic City (a spectacular 900-seat jewel of a club). We were visiting Kenny Rogerson, Jim McCue and Rob Magnotti. Two of the three are depicted below, flanking SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim, at one of the several bars at the Borgata (this one is cleverly called "Bar").



And finally, from the Hollywood Reporter's recap of the goings on in Montreal last week, is this:

At the end of a festival that was a strong showing for Canadian talent, Caribbean-born, Toronto-based Gilson Lubin walked away with a talent/development deal with Spike TV. He beat 10 other stand-up comics -- all selected based on their performances throughout the festival -- in Saturday night's first-ever "Spike the Mike" contest.

Addendum: Sharp-eyed reader Robert "Comedy Bird of Prey" Hawkes wrote the following after reading the above posting:

"We hear at SHECKYmagazine"? "hear?" How late were you up last night?

Thanks to the flexibility that is the hallmark of Internet publishing, the egregious error has been corrected! We thank Mr. Hawkes for pointing out the homonymic confusion and we also thank him for speculating that our error was due not to stupidity, but to fatigue! And, to answer his question, 2:00 AM! Thanks!

In the days following these festival blowouts, we shed the fatigue, we slowly regain our senses and we gain some perspective. We plow through the business cards, review the brochures, send out a ton of emails, field a bunch of inbound emails and we read and re-read the updates. Occasionally, we'll read an item and say, for instance, "Uh... do you suppose it was a good idea to call somebody 'cheap fucks'?" or something like that. Then we re-assure ourselves that calling somebody a cheap fuck is pretty tame in the grand scheme of things. Besides, with our track record, this kind of rhetoric is expected, even celebrated. We liken what we do, with regard to the Industry, to placing a bag of dog poop on the Industry's doorstep, lighting it, ringing the doorbell and then running away. We're annoying, but we don't do any real damage. Maybe just ruin a perfectly nice pair of shoes once in a while.

One of the many fine people we ran into at the most recent Just For Laughs was Saranne Rothberg, Executive Director of Comedy Cures, a 501(c)3 outfit "bringing joy, laughter and therapeutic programs to kids & grown-ups living with illness." Rothberg depends not only on private and corporate donations but on "the goodwill and humor of the comedy industry." If you'd like to learn more about how you might hand over some of that goodwill and/or humor, hop on the Comedy Cures! website. You can also dial 1 888-HA-HA-HA-HA to hear (or donate!) a family-friendly joke 24/7.

Phillip Minton, of Shapiro/Grodner Productions and Hazy Mills Productions writes:

We're thrilled to announce Bravo's new reality-competition series Situation: Comedy! Executive Producers Sean Hayes (Will & Grace) and Todd Milliner; Arnold Shapiro & Allison Grodner (Big Brother) are conducting a nationwide search for a sitcom script that is original, creative and, of course, funny.
Of the script entries submitted, two will be produced for television in Hollywood. Bravo will document the entire process for an upcoming series. Situation: Comedy will feature two writers thrust into the high-energy, high stress world of sitcom production. The winning writer (or winning writing team) will receive a cash prize of $25,000 and a year contract with CAA, a leading literary agency...
If you would, please announce this one-of-a-kind contest to your readers. Anyone interested will need to visit www.bravotv.com and click on the Situation: Comedy link for official contest rules and application.

A reader writes:

I'm trying to track down an old interview SHECKYmagazine did with Tom Rhodes. Any chance you still have it?

We most certainly do, Reader. If you'd like to read it, click here.

A final wrapup is UP! Enjoy. We're tired. Thanks to J.F.L. and all the Festival sponsors for the hospitality! Thanks to everyone else for everything. That covers it! Try the veal! Click here for all four of our updates.

Astute SHECKYmagazine reader Robert Hawkes writes:

The NBC website says: "Voting is simple and easy. To vote, simply watch the five ousted comics of Last Comic Standing perform on the show on Tuesday, July 27, the final six comics on Tuesday, August 3, and the final three comics on Tuesday, August 10, all on NBC."

It appears from this that next week the ousted perform and then the winner from that group goes into the final six (not five)for the next show. You may want to add a six possibility for your poll, that of "returning comic."

Thanks, Mr. Hawkes!

A sharp-eyed reader (and Bonnie McFarlane's Seminude Revue fan) wrote to tell us that one of his favorites, "AnOpenLetterToFemaleComics." was missing from the archives. (And that one of the existing columns had a bum link!) Well we're proud to announce that both problems have been rectified. If you'd like to read the formerly missing column, click here.

Also: Any fans of Traci Skene's or Brian McKim's columns might like to know that they've been archived as well and that you can check out all of the columns we could find merely by hitting their respective columns and scrolling down the column on the lefthand side of the page.

Hit Keep It Tight (Traci's column) to check out such greatest hits as "Penile Origami," where Skene tears into Puppetry of the Penis and "There She Goes, Miss Afghanistan!" a timely treatise on freedom and censorship.

Hit A Coupla Minutes Up Front (Brian's column) to re-read such memorable McKim screeds as "Laughable Situation," an examination of the tendency to pronounce the sitcom dead, and "Blue In The Face," in which he takes on NBC execs, the NY Post and USAToday!

Comics might like "Goofus & Gallant," Condo, Condo, Condo," and "Heckler Alert," from the Traci Skene collection.

For sheer reading pleasure, check out McKim's "Eyewear Glasses." And, if you want to feel superior to people who work in television, check out "Next To Godliness," "Television Fun!" or "B.C.(R.) Before Carson (Retired)!"

Don't forget to check out the Mini-Interviews of some of the folks in attendance up here in Montreal this year. And check out one from our archives: Jimmy Pardo! (Another of the fine SHECKYmagazine alums up here!)

In a previous post we wrote:

Okay... the L.C.S. Poll has been reset! We caved under presssure! Vote now for the next person to be eliminated from The House!

An astute reader pointed out, quite rightly, that L.C.S. shifts from The House elimination mode to a different mode. So now, we're going to reset the poll (as of 5:00 PM EDT) to be "Who do you think will win L.C.S.?" We'll keep folks up on the results on a regular basis and see how our poll stacks up to the Vegas odds! Thanks!

PS: We're in Montreal, like we said earlier, and we're going to rise early tomorrow (Wednesday) and upload an update with pics... just like we said we would! Tomorrow, we're planning on attending Pitching It!, which was wildly entertaining last year and should be even more so this year! If you don't recall what that was about, click on those archived JFL updates and get up to speed!

It's not a festival until SHECKYmagazine shows up! (Well, in reality, Just For Laughs got along pretty well without us for its first 16 years!) This is the JFL's 22nd annual blowout-- and our sixth year covering it! We've got broadband, so blogging should be no problem... in fact, it should be a breeze! We're going to the Wayne Brady-hosted Gala tonight at 7, and we've got to get the car off of University Avenue in the next 45 minutes, so we'll sign off right about here and implore you to return some time in the next 18 hours or so for the first of our Fest updates.

P.S.: So far, we've bumped into Dom Irrera, Eddie Gosling, Tammy Pescatelli, Jimmy Pardo and we spotted Greg Fitzsimmons in the lobby.

They're baaaack, all right. And they did just what we thought they would with the repatriated House members. They got to vote. They influenced matters and they made everyone generally nervous. Just what the reality TV doctor ordered!

And what happened? Corey Holcomb is bounced out of the house and will not be one of the final five.

Luckiest person in this episode? Tammy Pescatelli, of course, for gaining immunity. They all should hang their heads in shame for not having a television show pitch ready. After all, they did basically the same thing last year for one of the immunity challenges! (Besides, even cab drivers in L.A. have a sitcom idea ready. Hell they can pitch anyone in the time it takes to drive you from NBC to Burbank Airport!)

They had us going for a short while there-- When Tammy read the card that said, "But will it play in Peoria," I honestly thought the immunity challenge would be a plane ride to Peoria-- To play the Jukebox, a real comedy club...in Peoria! How would that be for a challenge? You gotta go kick ass in a club in Illinois!

No. Just pitching to a sourpuss focus group.

Todd Glass was everything we thought he would be upon re-entering The House. Seeing his big ol' head come through that door was priceless.

Once again, we're reminded of our very own words on this website two weeks ago (Wednesday, July 7, at 1:05PM to be exact):

It is a crucial flaw in this show that the folks who lose the head-to-head competition are summarily dismissed from the house... banished forever, never to interact with their old compadres. Which Larry Lightbulb came up with that feature? This is why they should toss everybody back in The House! (With minor adjustments, of course!)

Pardon us... we're gloating.
Stay tuned. We'd write more, but we've gotta get some sleep before departing for Montreal.

A reader who identifies himself as Brady, sends along the above chart. (Source: betonsports.com)

Self-described "California comedian" Frank King may only have another 105 days or so to cash in on his resemblance to Democratic VP nominee John Edwards. The Raleigh native needed only a lush rug to make the transformation into an Edwards impersonator. King, who does mostly corporate gigs these days, managed to make the front page of the Raleigh News & Observer (see photo). See details on his website.

We uploaded this post nearly four hours ago but we forgot to upload the file that goes with it! It's up now (6:41 PM).

We've interviewed SIX comics who will be featured in the 22nd Just For Laughs festival-- Costaki Economopoulos, Megan Mooney, Eddie Gosling, Leighann Lord, Joe Starr and Bonnie McFarlane. We put five questions to each of them-- a sort of mini-interview-- and we asked them things like how they prepare their fest sets, what they think about schmoozing and how the reality of the world's largest comedy festival is different from the anticipation. It's right here.

SHECKYmagazine.com will host a showcase as part of the New York City Underground Comedy Festival on October 6, 2004. We quote from the NYCUCF website:

Brian McKim and Traci Skene, the creative minds behind the comedy webzine SHECKYmagazine.com assemble an ensemble of talented performers who've graced the pages of their fair publication. Catch Brian and Traci in a rare NYC appearance, and stick around for a host of other talented comics!

The show will be at 8 PM at the Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (Corner of Sullivan St.), (212)260-7993, which the NYCUCF folks describe as a "fun, funky, 40-seat basement room that is home to some of the best and brightest rising comedy stars. This room has been one of comedy's best kept secrets, and it's set to bust out in a big way with 3 events during the NYCUCF. Seats are limited, so get there early." We'll announce the schedule of performers in a month or so!

From the most recent US Weekly (Issue #491/492, "Saving Mary-Kate"), specifically from "The Record" on page 61:

Survivor: All-Stars winner Amber Brkich, 25, has donated the bikinis she wore on the show to the Beaver Area Historical Museum in her home state of Pennsylvania.

The L.C.S./SHECKYmagazine Readers' Poll has been re-jiggered to account for last night's expulsion of Jay London, so we exhort our readers to go over there ---> and take about 12 seconds to pick who is the next comic booted from The House. (And, even thought NBC is bringing back the kicked-off comics, we'll limit this week's poll to the six who haven't been kicked off yet.)

Also: We'll probably stop polling on your L.C.S choices after the next week or so. BUT, we intend to start other polls... like, "How Long Have You Been Doing Comedy? (With answers like "More than 10 years," and "Less than a year" and "Huge Fan, never done it!") It's yet another step in our program to get a better handle on who reads the magazine, so that we might provide our readers with more of what they want... and less of what they don't want!

NOTE: Last night, Blogger, the outfit that provides the crucial technological widget that enables us to craft our front page (and enables you, our readers, to comment on those postings!), was down for two hours (8-10 PM PDT). If you tried to comment during that time, you were greeted with a message that said they were down for maintenance. Please come back and comment! It's back up and we treasure your comments.

A SHECKYmagazine reader writes:

Hi, I've just started reading Shecky Magazine. I would like to read more of Bonnie McFarlane's columns. Are they archived on the site?

Thanks,
K. Rob

We're glad you asked, K. Rob. We just uploaded a Bonnie McFarlane Index Page, which contains a brief description of each of Bonnie's SHECKYmagazine columns and from which you can access each.

August 9 through September 12 are the dates that the organizers of the Las Vegas Comedy Festival have set aside for their "15-City Audition Tour." For a little over a month, they'll scurry around the country auditioning people in six categories (Youth, Variety-Parody, Impersonators, Stand-Up ProAm, Comedy Club Pick and Wild Card), the winners of which will be flown to Las Vegas for the 3rd Annual LVCF October 13-17 2004. This year's edition of the fest will be held downtown at the Golden Nugget. Hop onto their website for details... or you can check out a detailed account of our surreal experience at last year's LVCF!

Well, well, well.

If you don't know why we're saying, "Well, well, well," scroll down this page a foot or two to the post entitled, "L.C.S. Musings: Where Is The Show Headed?" and read it.

In the final tease at the very end of the show, NBC ran a promo that makes it appear as though those comics who have been kicked out are back in the house!

Things are so bad at the L.C.S. Castle, they hadda throw a dog into the mix! What's up wid dat?! But wait-- We hear that Rusty, the plucky pooch from Last Comic Standing, Episode #208 is headlining at Uncle Fucker's Chuckle Hut next week! Tickets are going fast! (Apologies to Dana Gould!)

"If I have to wear a clown suit, I'm just gonna leave and let NBC sue me for a million dollars."

--Kathleen Madigan

"I hate roasts and I hate clowns."

--Kathleen Madigan

The challenge was pretty bogus. But it was fascinating. Humiliation factor: 11 out of a possible 10. Seeing them squirm while trying to figure out if they should play to the kids in the actual live kiddie audience or try to appear likeable to the folks at home was painful.

"Funny to me...to you, much less so!" Nice quote from Gary Gulman! He was way off in the sound bite where he explained his strategy. He seemed to think that, after the last installment, he was vulnerable. We are of the opposite opinion. Certainly he was challenged, but he won! As far as we're concerned, that makes him the least challengeable... Or so we thought!

We identified with Kathleen Madigan. She didn't exactly do comedy, but she didn't "bomb" either. We would have gone out and done our act...straight-- let the kids come up to our level. Nobody tried that.

What happened to Heffron's "Lone Wolf" strategy proclamation? In the post dinner scenes, he's depicted engaging in what can only be called "strategizing" with Pescatelli.

Our readers had London and Pescatelli in the head-to-head. They were half right. It's 9:40PM EDT... in 15 minutes or so, we'll see if they were half-right or all wrong. Stick around.

(Sorry about that premature posting-- at about 9:42 EDT, we accidentally hit "Publish Post" and certain savvy readers were treated to an unfinished "bulldog edition" of this evening's L.C.S. analysis!)

Six remain after tonight's episode. We'll post a new L.C.S./SHECKYmagazine Readers' Poll as soon as we upload this analysis! Be sure to get in on this week's poll!

Just like last week, NBC's re-running last week's episode at 8PM, then running a new one at 9PM. According to My Yahoo, "he competition becomes more intense as alliances are forged and broken and the number of residents dwindles to six." A week from tonight, the number of castle-dwelling comics will be down to five... and the next day, we'll be in Montreal, trying to ply those L.C.S. "cast memebers" who may be present with Labatts. (Just kidding! Everything is off the record!) If we run into any P.A.'s however, we're pumping them mercilessly! For the record: Any comics on L.C.S. we've had any contact with have all been incredibly tight-lipped. Any information that we've gotten on the show has come from people who are only peripherally involved, mostly spewing third-hand rumors.

Reminder: Our second poll is closing in about 10 hours, so, if you haven't made your choice for who the Next Comic Booted, do it now (or soonly)! Thanks for voting!

The chuckleheads who slap together USA Today's Reality Check, a weekly rundown on what went on with the various reality series, need to bone up on the reality of standup comedy. Their most recent update contains two glaring goofs:

Ant spends more time baiting Gary than he does prepping for his time at the microphone. He pays for it in the end — he's eliminated.

"Prepping for his time at the microphone?!" where have these people been? If Ant is a real live comic, he's done all the prepping he's ever going to do-- on the highways and the byways of standup America, in one-nighters and clubs and casinos and college gigs and hell gigs and everything in between. What is it about the civilians of this world who can't figure out that comics are always ready? Then, there's this one, about Gary Gulman:

Gary suspects he's going to be dragged to the standup standoff before the vote. So he packs his bags early in the day, leaving plenty of time to hone his routine. Good call — he wins the standoff and gets to spend the rest of the night unpacking at the house.

Our head! She spins! This cliche that has us comics standing in front of the mirror with a hairbrush is embarassingly outdated.

File these items under "Comedians gainfully employed on television." Associated Press is crackling with news involving comics on the tube. Item #1 told of Jeff Foxworthy taping some sketches for his upcoming show at a theater in Atlanta:

The sketch comedy program, which premieres July 29 on the WB network, is adapted from Foxworthy's Blue Collar Comedy Tour and features comedians Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy.

Item #2 announces that Garry Shandling will host the Emmy telecast:

Garry Shandling is ready to host the Emmy Awards again after a four-year absence. "This is perfect for me, since I just recuperated from the last time," the actor-comedian said in a statement Thursday. The Sept. 19 ceremony in Los Angeles honoring the best in television will air on ABC.

And Item #3, a lengthy eye-roller on NBC's Jeff Zucker's most recent whining:

Fox TV has become a reality series copycat instead of an innovator and is hurting television in the process, NBC executive Jeff Zucker said Saturday.

"Quite frankly, they (Fox) used to be innovators and now they're imitators," Zucker, president of the NBC Universal Television Group, told the Television Critics Association...

..."It's just bad for the business and it's bad for everybody, and I don't think that all is fair in love and television," he said.

Laughable, no? Anyway, humorous as Zucker's quotes may be it doesn't make him a comedian. Of interest to SHECKYmagazine, however, is the last paragraph of the story

Also Saturday, Zucker announced that NBC will bring "Last Comic Standing," its comedy competition, back for fall on Tuesday nights beginning Aug. 31.

No word yet on whether it's already been cast... or how they'll cast if it already isn't... Hmmm... very mysterious! Seems like short notice to us! Perhaps it'll be totally agent/manager-driven! We'll definitely ask some questions when we get to Montreal!

We've been watching some of the Franklyn Ajaye hour-long special on BET's Club Comic View Presents. It seems to have been recorded recently. We're certain that they're airing it several times. If you'd like to read the interview, click here. If you'd like to catch his special, check your newspaper for listings... or hit www.bet.com for their listings. (How ever did they get bet.com?!? I'd like to know the history of that URL!)

We would like to welcome all new SHECKYmagazine readers! Since our re-design, we've seen an uptick in the amount of traffic to our site-- and a significant jump in the number of new readers. To the new readers: If you hit the "subscribe" button at the top of this page, you'll receive the occasional (and we stress occasional) email letting you know when significant new hunks of content have been uploaded or informing you of special events like SHECKYmagazine columnist Tom Ryan's upcoming Letterman appearance or advanced notice of DVD giveaways!

We'd also like to remind readers that we'll be trekking northward to Montreal on July 21 to file the first of four daily updates from the Just For Laughs Festival! It'll be our sixth year in a row providing our readers with lightning fast, entertaining and insightful wrapups of the fascinating events at the world's largest comedy festival! We'll bring you the raw data (Who's in New Faces? The Masters?), the reports (Who did Andy Kindler skewer in the S.O.T.I.A.?) and, of course, the fabulous photos that has made our coverage of JFL a one-of-a-kind phenomenon! (And, if you haven't read our coverage from past years, what are you waiting for?)

One more thing: We're proud of our readers-- they correctly picked Ant as the next comic booted out of The House on last Tuesday's L.C.S. This week's poll tally so far is running pretty weird. (We'll reveal the results at 8PM EDT, Tuesday!) So we'd like you to take a moment (that's all it takes!) to hop over there ----> and click on your choice for who gets booted out of The House next week!

Thanks!

In our analysis of Episode #207 of L.C.S., we quoted from a book (pictured at left), A Hundred Years, A Millions Laughs by Barry Daugherty, with a foreword by Richard Lewis. We had a link in there that ostensibly led readers to the Amazon page where they could purchase it. The publicist for the book very nicely emailed us to thank us for the plug, but he also pointed out that the link was haywire. We have corrected it! (and tested it!) When you click HERE, we are pretty sure that you'll be taken to the Amazon.com location where you can purchase this picture-packed history of the Friars!

We have a pretty good record when it comes to identifying comedians who've been seen on the telly or when we're provided with nothing more than a punchline. We got this email recently:

I am writing to you to see if the impossible can be achieved. I live in Australia and watch the Comedy Channel quite regularly, one night whilst watching the Comedy Channel they had the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival on. One of the comedians was a guy who was really funny but they didn't back-announce his name, so, to this day, I have no idea who he was but would dearly love to find out his name. All I remember was part of his routine which was about someone in the next hotel/motel room banging on the wall suggesting he be quiet and he responded with, "Go round, I don't know what's on your side but there's no door on mine. Go round to the door." As I said, I know this is probably impossible and if you cannot help do you know who I could contact or where I could start searching. The man had long brown hair and a goatee beard.
Thank you for your help,
Renata Jelacic
loonacards@hotmail.com

If we had to guess, just on the clues provided, we'd say it was Mitch Hedberg. What do our readers say? Leave your guesses by hitting the comment button at the end of this post!

We got the following email earlier this week:

Detroit Comedian Bill Thomas is battling cancer. His finances have been diminished due to inability to work. Anyone wishing to do a benefit or contribute can contact Bill at P.O. BOX 721351, Berkley, MI 48072

A followup email said that benefits had been held in Detroit and Ann Arbor. Thomas, who has been doing corporate gigs and motivational speaking, has a website here.

Some of the more observant among you have noticed that we re-designed the magazine. In the old days, there was a front page that was a contents page, and there was a letters page (called "Like We Care.") which also served as a sort of bulletin board-- a place for us to post items about the comedy industry or comedians in the media, etc. We've ditched the front page! Now, when you arrive at SHECKYmagazine.com, you land right in the middle of a constantly changing weblog that incorporates the best elements of the old contents page and the old Like We Care page! We have received numerous positive comments on the re-do. We want to remind people that they can still write to us by clicking on the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page. BUT our readers have a new option: The COMMENTS link. At the bottom of each post is a Comments link, which enables readers to immediately comment on any post! It's easy and NO REGISTRATION is required. (Of course, we'd prefer that folks attach their names!) HOWEVER, if you wish to contact us directly (and privately), you can still click on the "Contact Us" link, which will whisk you to the page that contains our stupefyingly simple rules and regulations for writing us a letter! Alles klar?

This email recently arrived from a reader who noted that our upcoming trip to Montreal (July 21-25!) will coincide with that of his favorite comedian:

I am just hoping that you get a chance to talk to/see Jim Gaffigan while you are there. He is going to have some appearances there this year. I know you have interviewed him before so I hope you can get some more stuff from him. Thanks for a great website!

Stuart McCallister MSW/CSW
Therapist

Thanks for writing, Stuart! At the very least, we'll snap a picture of Mr. Gaffigan! As for "getting more stuff from him," there's little chance of that happening-- in fact, Mr. Gaffigan will probably request more stuff from us, as the SHECKYmagazine T-shirt that we gave him was immediately stolen from him by his brother! (Or so he claims!)

Above is the title of a page from the National Civil Engineering Edcucation Resource Library which concludes that a 150-lb. person can indeed cause damage to "soft flooring" materials. The formula goes like this: Presssure on the floor = weight of the person divided by the area of the heel. To put it another way: A 150-lb. person, wearing heels that are 1/4-inch X 1/4-inch (or 0.000434 square foot), would exert 345,622 lbs per square foot of pressure on whatever surface is unfortunate enough to be underneath that heel! Read the rest here.

We only bring this up because Tommy James has forwarded an item about how John Pinette is hitting the stage ("Comedian John Pinette Straps on Edna's Pumps for Hairspray Tour Starting Sept. 7"). Or how, as they put it in Playbill, "Girthy comedian John Pinette will join the national tour of Hairspray playing plus-size matron Edna Turnblad starting in September, according to his official website." Now, we wouldn't mention his weight (or, as Playbill might so poetically put it, his "girthiness"), but Pinette himself is not shy about exploiting his statospheric weight percentile for personal or professional gain. Indeed, Playbill (again!) ended the entire article by adding that Pinette "recorded a comedy CD, "Show Me the Buffet," and often exploits his overweight state for his comedy."

Read the rest here.

Well, now that Ant is gone, the most devious, the most interesting, the most volatile House dwellers have been eliminated. Among the seven who still reside in that ghastly castle, there are some splendid comics, to be sure. But where does that leave the reality part of the show? No more clashes between Corey Holcomb and his gay roomie. No more feline fireworks between Bonnie McFarlane and what the chat room denizens refer to as "The Sicilian Witch." No more Todd Glass singing "The Attention Song" and generally distracting everyone from their scheming and dreaming!

It is a crucial flaw in this show that the folks who lose the head-to-head competition are summarily dismissed from the house... banished forever, never to interact with their old compadres. Which Larry Lightbulb came up with that feature? This is why they should toss everybody back in The House! (With minor adjustments, of course!)

If you know anything about standup comics, you know that there is nothing funnier (or potentially funnier) and there is nothing more unpredictable, than a comic who has nothing to lose. And, conversely, there is nothing more boring than six or seven comics who have learned to adapt. Which is what is going on in The House right now. (Recall Heffron's proclamation that "from now on, I am a lone wolf!" Good strategy, perhaps, but not what we all had in mind when we all signed on to watch Reality TV!) We're headed toward a snoozer of a final four weeks! Jay Mohr talks about twists and turns, but we fear that there's almost nothing that could remedy the potential for torpor! Except returning the losers back to the house to wreak havoc.

We comics pride ourselves on our ability to adapt... to figure out how to deal with unpleasant situations and make adjustments. Ah, but a comic with nothing to lose, that's a whole different ballgame! Just ask any club owner-- This is why you never tell a comic before the second show Saturday that he's never coming back. (If you do, he'll make sure that second show Saturday is legendary... and not legendary in a good way.)

Which is why they should toss the banished comics back in The House! Oh, sure, they could jigger the rules a bit so that it's still fair (or at the very least a TV version of fair), but they still need the chemistry and the hoopla that such a reversal would undoubtedly bring.

How could they make it fair? Who knows. Just have them all re-instated with nothing to lose... and maybe nothing to gain-- You lost the head-to-head, you can't win the Big Prize, but you can have input, you can influence who the Big Prize Winner might be. Or, maybe you lose your right to vote, which makes you a constant and vulnerable target, susceptible to permanent banishment. Or, maybe you must compete against a Wild Card comic who never made it into The House in the first place! (There is a rumor that Pablo Francisco is going to be rammed into The House!) And the re-instated ones get tons of Network Television Face Time! We haven't figured out all the details, but, hey-- we don't make as much money as Jay Mohr or Peter Engel. Let them figure it out! Besides, nobody listens to us anyway!

Think of how much fun last year's competition might have been if Dave Mordal had been able to come back! Imagine the mayhem that the team of Mordal and Vos would have caused!

Toss the losers back in! We envision Ant and Todd Glass singing "The Attention Song" in two-part harmony at four in the morning!

We'd like to congratulate the winners of the Corey Holcomb DVD and thank them for playing!

David Nusair
Kris Bernard
Jim Fleming
Jackie Mauriello
Tommy Fusco

We suppose it's better than being a tour guide. Mohr said that doing a roast is a way to demonstrate one's writing and performing ability. Which it is. But, as Kathleen Madigan readily admitted (and amply demonstrated), it ain't for her. Richard Lewis, in "A Hundred Years, A Million Laughs" (Buy it HERE), said, "The one type of event which is most famous for the Friars, which are the roasts, is the event that I purposefully (sic) have a problem doing. There's a real reason for it. My whole thing as a standup comic is talking about me... I'm the same person onstage as I am off. And I just never figured out a way to affectionately berate anyone else but me."

Gary Gulman adhered most closely to what a roast should be. Alonzo Bodden did the best out of all of the contestants. Norm Crosby was way off when he criticized Gulman's material as being too crude. Crosby himself said (once again in the book pictured at left), "You're not going to do your act, because it's a totally different environment. It's learning a little bit about the guest of honor. You can take the oldest joke in the world, but if it fits that person, it works. And you can be risque, you can be dirty, it just has to belong. It has to fit. And that's the secret." Rich Little's criticism was also out of touch with reality-- his ridiculous admonition of Gulman for roasting the others (and not just London) was insipid. We get rather peeved when someone who should know better (in this case, Crosby and Little), says something that they absolutely must know is wrong. What gives? Gulman nailed his portion of the roast. He did it exactly how it should have been done. His frustration must have been nearly unbearable. Regardless of whether you thought his portion was funny, it was textbook Friars Roast. If they wanted to find something to pick at, they were entirely entitled, but they really shouldn't have said the things they said. Hell, even Ed Sullivan-- a man who was notable for his nearly fanatical avoidance of profanity-- was heard to say "Fuck you!" to an audience member at a Friars Roast. It's a tradition!

Of course, any roast is much more entertaining (and easier to write for) if we are more than passingly familiar with the roastee. Jay London is (as even he would proabably tell you) rather obscure.

Impressions (prior to the judging): Gulman did a nice set... they cut out his better tag lines on the opening bit (is it asking too much to have the person who is editing the sets on L.C.S. to actually know something about standup comedy?-- like when the end of a bit is?)... Ant's set was rambling and largely dependent on energy...

Well, whaddya know: Gulman wins with 73 per cent! Not too far off of the results of our poll. Our readers are the savvy ones, yes?

What is with the producers of Last Comic Standing? Why do they think it's funny to haul the comics around in a short yellow school bus? What is the implied message here? The short yellow school bus is a hackneyed staple of 80s standup. A favorite heckler line among the creatively challenged-- "Sir, did you get here on that short yellow school bus?" The implication is that only the retarded or the special education kids are transported via the stubby bus. We all know it. Would it have killed the producers to haul the comics around in some sort of zany limo? A stretch Pacer, maybe (Yeah, sure, we saw it in "Wayne's World II")?

Tom Hays, writing for Associated Press:

Oscar-winning actor Kirk Douglas' youngest son, who battled drug and alcohol problems for years, was found dead Tuesday inside an apartment building, police said.

Eric Douglas, 46, was discovered after someone flagged down a passing police car. There were no signs of foul play, police said. An autopsy was planned.

Eric Douglas was an aspiring actor and comedian, but he never found the success of his father or of his Academy Award-winning sibling, Michael Douglas (news). He had a short-lived acting career in the 1980s and early '90s, playing supporting roles in movies such as "Delta Force 3: The Killing Game."

He also appeared in an episode of the HBO program "Tales From the Crypt" opposite his father, who earned an Emmy nomination for his role on the show.

In recent years, the youngest of Kirk Douglas' four sons drew attention more for his problems than for any performances. In a 2000 interview, he said he spent eight days in a coma after a pill overdose a year earlier.

For years before that, Eric Douglas struggled with drug and alcohol addictions while repeatedly clashing with the law. He spent time behind bars and in rehabilitation clinics.

We recall being at the Improv on Melrose just before we moved back east, in late-1993, and Eric would emcee at the club on the occasional evening. He aspired to be a standup comic. But then again, it was 1993-- a startling number of managers and agents advised their clients to do standup... we're not exactly clear as to what they envisioned for their clients.

We don't know how savvy our readership is when it comes to blogs. We here at SHECKYmagazine HQ check out three or four of them every day, so we know that the whole idea is to scroll down until you see something you've already seen before! In other words, when we post something new, the old stuff automatically drops down. So, if you hop on after having been away from us for a day or two (or an hour or two!), there might be somethings down there that you haven't yet read. We only tell you this because under this post there is: A post on where to send tapes for the Chicago Comedy Festival, a post on Jim Mendrinos' new book, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing," a post on Mac King's new comic strip, a post exhorting our readership to participate in the SHECKYmagazine L.C.S. Readers Poll and a post on our exciting Corey Holcomb DVD/CD giveaway! So scroll down, people!

Also: For those of you who wish to get in on that DVD GIVEAWAY, it's stupifyingly easy to paraticipate! All you need to do is HIT THE COMMENT BUTTON! If you haven't left a comment on any of our posts, it's pretty easy AND it's a great way to let everyone know your opinion! We've had a few comments here and there (mostly anonymous!?), but we'd like to see that cranked up a little! And we'd like to see people attach their name to their posts! Have some sack, people! It won't hurt! (We don't require folks to "register" like most respectable blogs do... we trust you! But, still, it would be nice if you folks would have a little pride of ownership when it comes to opinions!)

See you all tonight at about 10:20 PM EDT after the end of L.C.S.!!!

Chicago Comedy Festival operative Julie Powers sent us an email:

Dan Carlson is now accepting tape submissions for the Festival. Please have folks send video tapes and promotional materials to:

Chicago Comedy Festival
P.O. Box 158
Barrington, IL 60011

The deadline for submissions is 8/21/04. No showcases are currently scheduled, although that may change in the near future. The festival is slated for 10/21 - 10/24.

ADDENDUM: Powers says that, as far as she knows, Carlson is not charging a fee to view submissions. She adds that Mr. Carlson has never done so in the past and that there is no reason to believe that he is doing so this year.

Seven hours remain before we take down this week's L.C.S. poll! We'll take her down at 8PM EDT, just before NBC airs Episode #206 and run the percentages! If you haven't taken the poll, it's over there---> and down! It only takes a second and we don't require registration or a blood sample or anything! We're just trying to find out how savvy our readers are when it comes to predicting who will be kicked out of The House!

We're going to give away FIVE copies of Cory Holcomb's beautifully packaged DVD/CD package, "The Problem is You." The folks at Shout! Factory and Ad Lib Records have put together the Breakout Comedy Series and this is the first one.

But how do we give them away? A contest! According to the listings on Yahoo, NBC is running two episodes of Last Comic Standing tonight. At 8PM EDT, they're running Episode #206 ("Tensions between two comics prompt one to consider leaving; alliances continue to form as another comic is eliminated."), then, at 9PM EDT, they're running Episode #207 ("The plotting continues among the remaining seven comics"). Let's do this: At 10:01 PM EDT tonight, the first five people to hit the "comments" button at the bottom of this post and correctly identify who was eliminated on tonight's L.C.S. episodes in a posted comment and who also leave a name and email address will win a copy of The Problem Is You! (Don't worry, we won't use your address for nefarious purposes AND it will come down as soon as we determine five legitimate winners!) We reserve the right to eliminate anyone, to determine the ultimate winners, to settle any disputes, etc. (It's the standard disclaimer to head off any whining by sore losers or litigious goofballs!)

IGNORE THE ABOVE...It's 10:16 PM EDT and they're all gone! Thanks for particpating!

Today is July 6, 2004, the release date for "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing" by our own Jim Mendrinos. (We say "our own" because his IN NY column, a regular report on the Big Apple comedy scene, just started in the pages of this magazine last week.

In addition to "expert advice on developing your comedy instincts," the book also contains "insider tips on writing jokes, cartoons, film scripts, sitcom treatments and more." With a foreword by Colin Quinn. BUY IT HERE.

Over the cybertransom comes a press release with this lead paragraph:

Mac King, headlining comedian and magician on the Las Vegas Strip, launched his comic strip "Mac King's Magic in a Minute," a weekly comic being syndicated by Tribune Media Services (TMS). The comic first appeared in Las Vegas Review-Journal on July 4.

Brilliant, yes? A nice comic strip, you know... for kids! What with all the edginess on the comics page these days (Boondocks, Doonesbury, etc.), editors are no doubt itching to include more comic strips that are actually for kids. When Jim Davis, the creator of the benign strip Garfield, got heat for creating an even benigner (if that's not a word, try "dumber") strip called US Acres, he defended it by saying (and we're paraphrasing here), "even the simpletons need a comic strip." Not to say that Mr. King's strip is for simpletons. It's for, you know... kids. However, in the rush to appear hip, even Nancy started getting complicated once in a while! There's a lot of cash to be made by syndicating a strip that is innocent, simple and non-offensive. (Let's just hope that King doesn't get reamed by his colleagues for revealing too many secrets like that guy on Fox with the satin bag on his head!)

Proof that we've known Todd Glass for 20 years. This Polaroid was snapped in late 1983 or early 1984 at the dear departed Comedy Works in Philadelphia. Says SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim, "I carried at least one Polaroid camera with me at all times during that period. Then I'd take the photos home and type a caption on them using an old Remington typewriter." This caption says, "TODD GLASS AND TWO UNIDENTIFIED BUT OBVIOUSLY SUFFER YOUNG LADIES"

Question 21 is back! This time, the interogatee is Last Comic Standing finalist Gary Gulman! The Boston-based comic (pictured at left) handles the Q21 with aplomb! Read it here!

Can you handle another columnist? Of course you can! We're proud to announce the launch of Jim Mendrinos IN NY, a column by writer/comic Jim Mendrinos on the sprawling comedy hotbed that is New York City, a territory that was up until recently covered nicely by Joe Dixon and before that by Rusty Ward.

Back when I started, there was Catch, The Improv and the Strip. Now, two decades later, the Strip is still going strong, Catch has closed twice, with both locations becoming dance clubs, and the original location of the Improv is now an Italian restaurant. However, on June 22, the Improv officially re-launched here in NYC.

Mendrinos' first column is heavy on the name-dropping and also has a fairly detailed rundown on the clubs that make the NY scene the monster that it is. Informative and entertaining, handy and inside-- How very SHECKYmagazine!

We're pleased to introduce a new Big Move-- Paul Ogata will be occupying the chair most recently occupied by Tommy James (who will continue contributing to SHECKYmagazine in an "at-large" capacity). Paul has been living in... Well, let's just let him tell you:

Presently, I'm a comic-slash-DJ living in Hawaii. That in itself is ironic since The Little Pond known as Hawaii is stuck in the middle of an actual Big Pond
called the Pacific Ocean. We don't have a very large comedy scene here, which may be the reason it has taken me a long time to stop sucking at comedy. At least, that's my excuse.

Paul is carrying on the fine SHECKYmagazine Big Move tradition, previously written by Rich Williams, Tom Ryan and, of course, Tommy James. Read the rest of it to find out if/when Paul makes The Big Move!

New columns from our regular contributors Adam Gropman and Kid Dave Miller are up and ready for your perusal! Each one takes a wildly different look at his "real job," as you'll notice from these excerpts, first from Miller's Office in the Sky:

Hey! I think
I just made a breakthrough! When you realize that your
life is your life, and you'll do as you damn well please,
and don't care what your so-called peers think, you
have transcended to a higher plane.

And, from Gropman's Day Job:

In the meantime, however, I work the nine to five, Monday through Friday. And every week I sink further into the soft, anesthetic complacency of the pleasant corporate environment. My day job offers many things to make me keep coming back every day, such as a tidy office with a view of Universal City, industrial-strength air conditioning, a sweet multi-line console phone with unlimited long distance, T1 Internet connection and all the free coffee with white chemical non-food "creamer" I could ever ingest.

Read the rest of Kid Dave here and read the rest of Adam here