Nice gig. Romano and James found a way to play golf on the nicest course in the world and turn it into an entertaining hour of HBO television, at least that's what The Road To Pebble Beach, is according to Rick Arnett's review on SI.com.

The rotund James exhibits a decent swing for his physique. He appears to be the saner of the pair, or at least the one you could envision spending four hours with on the course. He vulgarities are funnier too. You have to love HBO's ability to allow the sport's true blue language to air.

We can't tell if it aired last Saturday or it will air this Saturday... and we're getting pretty slow dialup speeds here... and we don't dare go on hbo.com, lest we be here for several hours while their front page loads. Either way, you can bet they'll air it again and again, and at all hours. The promos certainly look funny.

Who is in town this holiday weekend? We're glad you asked. Well, over at the Catch A Rising Star at the Silver Legacy is Charlie Weiner and Brian McKim, of course. And across the street and down a block or two is D.C. Malone and Adam Stone at the Just For Laughs in the Sands Regency. Harrah's Reno has Ron Pearson, Andy Campbell and Amy Anderson at the Improv. Comedy Comedy, at the Reno Hilton, lists Donald Lacy, Claude Stuart and Mike Van Kirk.

Down the road, around Lake Tahoe, the Improv at Harvey's Lake Tahoe lists Allan Havey and Aaron Kader.

We've had decent sized crowds the last two nights. There's a huge volley ball "festival" lodged here and this weekend, there'll be a heavyweight title fight between... well, between two huge people we've never heard of. We've lost track of heavyweight contenders. And we've also lost track of sanctioning bodies. (Things started to get a little ridiculous a little while back with regard to boxing titles... We half expect to wake up and find ourselves to be in contention for a heavyweight title or two!)

The Legacy is sold out, so we expect the crowds to get even larger. We're gigging through Sunday, staying over Monday (July 4th!), then heading back east for our date in Pontiac, IL, on the 9th! Stay tuned.

If you needed any further proof that standup comedy (live standup, that is) is on the way back to pre-bust levels, ponder this article by Portland Tribune writer Marty Smith.

I began with the best of intentions. In order to better understand the Portland standup scene, I had the brilliant idea of following the example of Hunter S. Thompson, progenitor of participatory journalism. I decided I needed to get inside the story — you know, actually do some standup, to see what it’s really like.

Of course, Smith dies a horrible comedy death. He admits at the very top of the story that he went onstage without any prepared material (!) and he concedes that that best standup comics make it look easy. The fact that either Smith or his editor thought it would be a good idea to actually do standup is notable-- crotchety (and out of touch editors) haven't inflicted assignments on their charges since about... 1981 or so. Everything is cyclical! (We recall a female reporter friend who, at the height of the Bo Derek/"10" craze, was assigned to walk around a local mall wearing fake cornrows, note the reaction of passers-by and file a storie on it for the features section. When a reporter or editors gets it in his head to participate, we've got a cultural phenomenon on our hands!)

...there’s something very interesting, entertaining and, dare I say it, funny going on here. Small-room standup comedy is a thing unto itself, and you’re not going to get hip to it by watching the latest Chris Rock extravaganza on HBO, any more than you are likely to develop a deep and abiding understanding of the underground punk-rock scene by listening to KGON on your way to the sheet metal plant.

Read the entire article for a snapshot of the Portland comedy scene. A SHECKYmagazine Yummy to Mr. Smith for actually analyzing the scene, naming some names and going beyond the cliches of MSM reporting on standup!

An article in the DCist, ("They Call Him The Comedian") is interesting-- a comedy fan posting his impressions about a recent Seinfeld gig in D.C.

Most of Seinfled's material was not new from last year's show, just honed, which is fine. The Post correctly remarked that "the jokes merit and even thrive on repetition." In one instance, while delivering a very old joke about senior citizen communities in Florida, Seinfeld added some unusually intimate details about his mother and her life growing up. This did not come off as him being distracted, just spoke to the casual nature of the performance.

Hey, whaddya know-- a reasonable critique of a comedian in a major MSM outlet (the Post) and a reasonable and knowledgeable critique in an alternatie pub (the DCist)... maybe the media is turning around its attitude toward standup.

From left, Eddie Oliver, Chad Miller, Bruce Heppler, Sean Dillon, Kevin Moyers, outside the Comedy Spot in Scottsdale, AZ. We had a spectacular four-show (all sold out) weekend. It's a former jazz club, with a low ceiling, great sound and lighting. And the crowds in Phoenix are right there with you the whole time!

We did 45-minute interview on Friday afternoon on 1480 AM, All Comedy Radio, with host Kevin Gassman. Some of the folks who showed up a the club actually came because they heard the interview. Hey, maybe radio will kill comedy! We better keep an eye on that kind of thing.

We're in Vegas right now, where the female half of the staff worked the Divas of Comedy show at the Sahara. We're headed to Reno tomorrow. The male half of the staff will be at the Catch a Rising Star at the Silver Legacy tomorrow night through July 3.

This tour has been intense, schedule-wise. Once we get settled at the Legacy, we'll be posting with a little more regularity!

According to an AP article, Shecky Greene will be among the folks to be honored with a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce on Friday released a list that also included Lou Adler, Annette Bening, Matthew Broderick, Holly Hunter, William Hurt, Judge Judy (Judith Sheindlin), Shecky Greene, Isaac Hayes, Nathan Lane, Steve Martin, Wink Martindale, Ray Romano, Charlize Theron and Motley Crue.

COngratulations and it's about time. Maybe we'll try to find out when it's unveiled and obtain press credentials. What chamber of commerce in its right mind would refuse SHECKYmagazine.com the opportunity to be present when Shecky Greene is given a star on the HWoF?!

We're headed to Yuma, AZ, tonight, performing in an Indian casino Thursday. Then it's back to PHX, Scottsdale, to be exact, for two nights at the Comedy Spot. We do another casino in Globe on Sunday, then it's back to Vegas and another Divas spot at the Sahara for Traci.

It was 114 degrees here yesterday. There'll be a bit of relief from the heat today, as the temperature plummets to about 108.

We spotted another of those Larry the Cable Guy kiosks somehwere in the desert, at a gas station in Kingman or thereabouts. It was as if locusts had ravaged it. It was sold nearly out, with but a t-shirt or two and maybe a bumper sticker left. Apparently, it's a success.

Looking forward to "resting" in Reno starting next Tuesday at the Catch at the Silver Legacy. Sure one of us (the male half of the staff) will be gigging, but without travel or radio or television appearances, it will seem like rest.

In comedy news, David Spade has signed to a series on Comedy Central. Seems he'll be doing a sortofa Kathy Griffin thing, chomping on the hand that feeds him, show business, to, it is hoped, hilarious effect. We saw Spade on the telly yesterday...or the day before, frolicking on the set of a Rob Schneider film about baseball. It seems that Schneider can actually play the game. Spade is another story altogether.

Speaking of Griffin, we apologize to the folks at Bravo for not getting back to them. They dropped a nice VM on our machine a few weeks ago, offering an interview with the c-list comedienne. All sorts of things got in the way of our replying, so, if you're reading this, Bravo person, we'd love to interview Ms. Griffin...but we prefer to deal directly with the subject her/hisself. (These publicist-arranged deals always are terribly awkward and we've never done it that way...and we have no intention of starting to. The publicist or manager arranged interviews always degenerate into phone tag, or, once in a while, email shouting matches where someone accuses someone else of being unprofessional... or worse!)

We are pleased to announce the first SHECKYmagazine.com Comics-Only Texas Holdem Poker Tournament Thursday, November 17, 2005, in Las Vegas, NV! Stay tuned to this website for details on how to enter! Comics from all over North America will converge on that sacred venue, Binion's Horseshoe Casino in downtown Las Vegas, to compete for prize money and the honor and the privilege of playing Texas Holdem with dozens of your standup compatriots!

(We said we'd have an important announcement on Monday... well here it is, nine hours late!)

Pictured above is Seymour. He's the official mascot of one of the dozens of retail chains hooked up with the petroleum companies. (Seymour Benefits is his name...get it? See...more...benefits? Something like that.) Anyway, he speaks to you via a speaker mounted to the gas pump, exhorting you to sign up-- if you already haven't! The message starts abruptly with a scratchy, but LOUD, recording of Sly and the Family Stone's "Hot Fun In The Summertime" and goes on to tell us how this chain is "helping the community" by "not selling any pornography or rolling papers!" (That'll wake you up!)

We wonder how much Seymour the Fish is helping the community by forcing the members of the community to drive around seeking stores that will eventually sell them pornography and rolling papers. Sounds like a vast right rightfin conspiracy to us!


We did a private show in Shreveport. Right off the downtown. At a club (a private club, not a comedy club) called, appropriately enough, The Shreveport Club. Shreveport was built on cotton, but switched to a diet rich in oil and gas. Its streets, in 2005, on Saturday nights at least, are now jammed with casino patrons. A handful of casinos (built in just the last few years since gambling was legalized in Louisiana) lines the Red River.

We finished our show early and we found our way over to the Funny Bone, opened within the last year or so, adjacent to the Hollywood Casino and nestled, with an entire "entertainment district," amid the behemoth concrete pillars that support the elevated highway that snakes through downtown Shreveport along the Red River.

The bushy-tailed personnel at the ticket booth had enough sense to buy our story about how we were comics and we run a magazine about standup and blah, blah, blah (we forgot to bring business cards), and, within seconds we were in the holding tank of the Bone. Seconds after that, Gary Bell, the weekend's feature, burst through the double doors of the showroom and, using his Comedy Radar, immediately knew that we were the comedians. We were joined eventually by Cedric (alias "Cedman"), in town to do a guest spot or two.

Bell (on Traci's left) is out of Beaumont TX. Cedric, the one dwarfing Traci on her right (She was wearing 5-in. heels!), is out of Dallas, TX, and goes by the name of "Cedman." We shot the comic breeze, while waiting for headliner Kelly Moran to return (he never did).

The room is gorgeous. Holds 250 or so. By the time we departed there was a healthy crowd of about 180 in there. Not bad for a second show Saturday.

We hadda make it an early night, as we had plans to rise early, hit the road and make it to Albuquerque by nightfall on Sunday. (Our ultimate goal being Vegas-- Traci's doing the Sahara on Monday night.)

We actually held to our plan pretty well, setting out toward the Big D at about half past eight. We made it as far as Canton, TX, a small speed bump 50 miles east of The Big D, before we came face-to-face with the state of the art in standup comedy merchandising: The Larry The Cable Guy Freestanding Officially Licensed Product Kiosk at the Kicks66 store, just off I-20. Kicks66 is another of the aforementioned petroleum-linked retail outlets.

There, just to the left of the cash register, to the right of the trucker maps and used-car pennysaver mags, was the most glorious display of geegaws and knickknacks devoted to the glorification of Larry the Cable Guy-- shot glasses, bumper stickers, T-shirts, even (gasp!) belly button jewelry!

It was enough to bring a tear to the eye.

And, later on, when we finally reached Albuquerque, we saw yet another of the kiosks, hundreds of miles west, in a convenience store down the road from our Days Inn. Do the math, people: Larry The Cable Guy is spinning off millions in many directions! He is a cultural phenomenon!


Helpful suggestioin to Larry The Cable Guy: Help the community by offering Official Larry The Cable Guy Rolling Papers and Pornography! Sure there'd be a bit of negotiation and palm-greasing, but it could be done!

We're up and running on broadband at the Days Inn here in Albuquerque! We're west of town-- Be forewarned: The Alb's highways are chewed up with construction! The city fathers (and probably the Feds) decided to tear up all of this town's roads at once! We figured if we were going to get out of here in time tomorrow, we'd do well to settle down on the west side of town.

No trouble on the cyber highway, though. This Days Inn promises wireless broadband and they deliver. It's been hit or miss on this trip. Night numbe one, in Staunton, VA, we didn't even bother to hook up. Night two, in Cookeville, TN, we connected, via our Cat5E cable to a lightning port in the wall of our EconoLodge. Night three, we had a slick, trouble free connection via the wireless in our Hampton Inn room (always trouble free!) and a frustrating experience at the Microtel in Bossier City yesterday-- Our Belkin 80211b card was blinking and connecting and cathing packets, but, for some odd reason, we were unable to surf or get our email! (The front desk did direct us across the parking lot to their "sister hotel" where we were able to take care of some business, however.)

Stay tuned. We plan on pulling into the Sahara tomorrow at four or so.
Always a pleasure to be in VEGAS, BABY!

Thanks fo the folks who have emailed us-- and re-emailed us-- at the bmckim(at symbol)mindspring.com! We're still having technical difficulties, so we're missing some emails here and there! The old (Anything)(at symbol)sheckymagazine.com addresses are inoperable for the foreseeable future!

And special thanks to one of our readers for the warning on Oxycontin! Otherwise known as "Hillbilly Heroin," Oxy is apparently terribly addictive and is freuqently (perhaps too frequently) prescribed for back pains like we described in an earlier post. Says the male half of the staff:

We are well aware of the addictive nature of such drugs-- we had a bottle of Vicodin in the medicine cabinet for a few years-- a holdover from the hernia operation of 1995! We gobbled a couple down a couple years back as a sleep aid (when Vicodin was enjoying a reputation as a "cool!" drug, the choice of a new generation of Hollywood stars like Matthew Perry!) and quickly realized just how it might be an appealing drug! Especially if one was chauffered about and had no call to operate heavy machinery!

We were reminded of a ridiculous scenario from last week-- Early on in the back spasm episode, I pressed an old handmade cane that was lying around the apartment into service. And, it just so happened that "House" was on the telly that night. And I hadn't shaved in a day or two. Traci called me the most pathetic "House" fan in the world. Watching my favorite TV show and clutching my cane, I was like a five year-old watching "Davy Crockett" while wearing a coonskin cap. Pathetic indeed.

On to Shreveport! And stay tuned for a special announcement when we hit Vegas!

We're in transit (on our "Supersize Me" tour-- For the next 30 days, we'll be eating fast food three times a day!), so the postings will appear in spurts. (We've noticed a steep uptick in the number of hotels that now offer hi-speed internet these days. Just six months ago, it was necessary to seek out "better" accomodations to get the hi-speed. Now, even Econo-Lodges and Microtels are offering it! And it actually works-- we recall staying in a Homewood Suites specifically because they offered hi-speed and being frustrated at not being able to make it work with our laptop. The support center at the company who was subcontracted to provide the service-- a firm called Merlot-- blamed it on our operating system, Windows ME, and tried but ultimately failed to get us up and running on the broadband highway.) We're connected now, though, via the ol' CAT5E!

Another reason our postings have been sparse-- technical difficulties! Our mail has been diverted (lost in the ether? delayed in cyberspace?) and, we've been occupied with solving that problem. We might have to resort to totally reconfiguring all of our addresses "out there" so that everything comes to one address. More on that later. IF you've sent us a subscription request or a Like We Care in the last 72 hours, please send it again to bmckim("at"symbol)mindspring.com and it'll get to us!

Yet another reason we've been posting intermittently: A wicked back spasm incapacitated the male half of the staff for 48 hours!

I'm not sure if it was the tennis (45 minutes of it after laying off it for eight years), or the slouching in the Danish modern chair in the back office while transcribing "Marty Robbins All Time Greatest Hits" (1972 Columbia Records) from vinyl to CD. Either way, it gave me a horrific spasm which, 48 hours later, stopped me dead in my tracks in the middle of the living room, unable to take even one more step.

And, of course, since the only cure for a spasm of this type is a muscle relaxer (and the attendant coma), the next 72 hours are lost as well. Cyclobenzaprine, also known as Flexeril, causes a waking death, but eventually enables the victim to stand erect and participate in society. Our favorite side effect is "syncope." (defined by Webster's as "loss of consciousness resulting from insufficient blood flow to the brain." Syncope, indeed.

Anyway, we're in Cookeville, TN, right now. The hotel (which was formerly a mutant EconoLodge and is now a Country Hearth), actually charged us $5 for Traci. That's right-- "Are there two of you, sir? I'm sorry, but that'll be an extra five dollars for your wife!" You heard correctly-- the booker only pays the single rate and the comic must cough up the extra fin for the hangers on-- in this case, Traci. If I brought a pet, it'd be $10, so it coulda been worse. This is Traci's first time just hanging out as "the comic's wife" and it's costing us! (We picked up a one-nighter on the way to our weekender, but there was only room for one of us on the bill, accounting for Traci's idleness on this evening.)

We'll be in Vegas by Monday. In the next three weeks, we'll hit Georgia, Shreveport, Phoenix, Reno and Pontiac, IL. We'll be out for just about 28 days total. Stay tuned.

Received the following, via email:

The short film, "A Fist Full of Pills," will be showcased at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival this July. It's a very cool piece of work, using a standup comedy piece as the "soundtrack."

Creative team also consisted of some recognizable names from "The Aristocrats"-- editing by Emery Emery, Paul Provenza was creative consultant.

"A Fist Full of Pills"
Written by: Tom Hester
Co-directed by: Slade Ham and Tom Hester
Starring: Tom Hester, Tom Rhodes, Slade Ham, Caroline Picard, Justin Petitt and Lee Melton

Sounds interesting! Hope to see all/some of you in Montreal next month.

SHECKYmagazine.com is experiencing technical difficulties-- visitors might be getting a file which is the index page for our online press kit, and not the front page of the WWW's most beloved magazine about standup!

We've cleared up the probleem!

Thanks!

Just got the following over the cybertransom from the producers of an upcoming TLC reality show:

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o Are you and your best girlfriend no longer on speaking terms after trying to plan her wedding?

o Do your key players fight even before the game begins?

o Is your grown son driving you crazy because he won't move out of the house?

Do you spend so much energy on this situation that you have no time to enjoy life?

Would your group or family benefit from some outside help to become both more cohesive and productive?

If this sounds like your situation, you've come to the right place!

TLC's new series combines Eastern philosophy and Western know-how to help groups and families improve their quality of life. Our experts will pave a path tailored specifically for your group or family to help you become a more cohesive unit and bring back the quality of life you’ve left behind!

ALL APPLICANTS MUST RESIDE IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA.

*All participants must be 18 years of age in order to be selected for the show

For more information about the show and how to apply, please contact:

Jon Unger
Jon.unger@evolutionusa.com

You heard the man, here's an opportunity to make lemonade if there ever was one.

A coupla weeks ago, we updated the code that makes that banner at the top of the page work (the one that takes people to the Just For Laughs website, specifically to information on the splendid travel packages that entitles purchasers to all manner of Festival perks like VIP passes and free cocktails and tickets to shows), but when we did it, we goofed up the code a little!

No matter though, it's been corrected (and, it appears, some resourceful folks have gotten through to the page anyway!) and it's full speed ahead for Festival preparation for all you comedy fans out there who want to spend a day or three immersed in the world's largest comedy festival! (This year, in case you haven't heard, the Fest will be peopled by such comedy luminaries as Dame Edna, Lenny Henry, Jim Belushi, Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood, Eddie Izzard and, of course, Andy Kindler! If you call yourself a serious comedy fan, you simply can't let another year pass by without actually making the trip north and swinging through the Delta Bar at about 30 minutes past midnight on Friday night! Dig that credit card out, click on that banner right now, and nail down your place at the Festival Just For Laughs!)

We were moved to laugh out loud when we read the name of the comedy night at the Parlour Club on Santa Monica in W. Hollywood-- No Drink Maximum! (Wednesdays, cocktails at 7:30, showtime at 8)

We found their site when we were sniffing through our stats (as we sometimes do to find out how people find us) and we saw that a certain comic from Memphis named Brian Dowell (who now lives in Los Angeles) included the venue among his upcoming appearances.

We commend the producers, CeCe Pleasants and Katie Massa for managing to capute an attitude and a mission in a concise moniker. (Although, we're not too happy about their contribution to the erosion of the meaning of the word "smarmy." It's been degraded to the point where it's interchangeable with "sleazy," when it started out life meaning "false earnestness.")

Hardly a month goes by that we don't see some report of the positive health effects of humor. Ever since Norman Cousins got a letter published in the New England Journal of Medicine-- and subsequently rolled that up into "Anatomy of an Illness" and a cottage industry promoting laughter as healing-- people have been making decent bucks peddling the notion that all manner of ill can be cured by laughter. Today, Associated Press reports that:

...American researchers have found that 10-15 minutes of genuine giggling can burn off the number of calories found in a medium square of chocolate.[...]

Researchers at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee, recruited 45 pairs of friends, shut them in a room decorated like a cheap hotel-- scientifically known as a metabolic chamber-- played them comedy clips on a TV screen and measured how many calories they burned when they laughed.

We've stayed in many of those metabolic chambers! Our favorites are the metabolic chambers with a decent continental breakfast.

The most fascinating part, however, was this quote from the lead researcher:

"We didn't tell them that the goal of the study was to measure laughter, because then they might have forced it and forced laughter is regulated by a totally different part of the brain. We wanted it to be genuine laughter."

Forced laughter is regulated by a totally different part of the brain? To hell with healing... this merits further investigation. (And, we've always been skeptical of these workshops that corporations pay thousands of dollars for that make all the employees stand in a circle and laugh, laugh, laugh! It always seemed forced (and excruciating for those involved... and, we thought, of dubious value, therapeutic or otherwise. We suspect that the part of the brain that regulates forced laughter is right next to the part of the brain that regulates our urge to grab the nearest sharp object and plunge it into the person conducting the Laughter Is Good For Team Building! seminar.

From today's New York Daily News editorial page, under the head "Laughing Matter":

You wonder why politicians don't get no respect? One reason: Legislation that leaves constituents rolling in the aisles. Case in point is a bill introduced by Manhattan Democratic Assemblyman Adriano Espaillat to ensure a "living wage for standup comedians" We did not make that up.

Espaillat wants comics to be paid $120 for every 20 minutes of yada yada yada on weekends; $28 to $46 on weekdays. Weekday laughs are cheap laughs, we guess. The sponsor's memo notes dire working conditions: "Often times these comedians work in various parts of the city within a short time frame making the use of a taxi service a necessity." We did not make that up, either.

The bill defines "standup comedian" as "a professional performer who has worked a minimum of 200 performance hours telling jokes and/or performing comedy ... where people watch and/or listen to such performances." Which begs the question: If comics are so bad that people don't watch and/or listen, would they still have to be paid?

Perhaps public embarassment will cease all this talk of a mandatory "living wage" for comedians.

According to Variety and now CNN, Dave Chappelle Chapelle is doing sets in L.A.

An unnamed Comedy Central representative told Variety that network officials would be sitting down with Chappelle to talk business "really, really soon."

Might have something to do with that really, really big paycheck that Comedy Central got nothing in return for.

One of the interesting bits of info in the Variety story was that he appeared at the Hollywood Improv and at the Comedy Store, "performing before crowds of 200 and 20, respectively." For those of you confused by the use of the word "respectively," that means that the house at the Improv was ten times that of the Store. Can we get an ouch?! We hasten to add that the Improv show was most likely earlier than the Store set. But 10 to 1?

P.S.: If you're wondering why we are doubling up on Chappelle/Chapelle's name, it's because whenever he does something and makes headlines, we get tons of hits. And not everyone is careful about how they spell his name when they enter it into the search engines. (We admit that we were careless the first couple times we posted about him last year. But we noticed that no matter how we spell it, we get a flood of traffic. So, we're not taking any chances-- we'll spell it two different ways!)

Standup comic Chelsea Handler (website) kicks off her book tour today and tomorrow at the La Jolla Comedy Store. Her book, "My Horizontal Life," (Bloomsbury USA) is, as the subtitle makes clear, Handler's "collection of one-night stands."

Interesting that Handler, a comic who stars in Oxygen's Girls Behaving Badly and is featured on Tonight as a "correspondent," has lined up four comedy clubs for her book promo tour. (June 9, at Caroline's, June 16-19, at the Punchline in Atlanta, June 26-27 at the Punchline in SF and June 30-July 3 at the Tempe Improv)

In the course of her book, she talks about a vast array of one-night stands, yet not one is with a fellow standup comic! And, we noticed that Handler starts out a sentence with "I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people...." We can't help but offer the advice to never again stay in a comedy condo.

According to Reno TV station KNRV, a 40-year-old audience member filed a police complaint saying that Gallagher slapped him on the side of the head during a show at the Riverside in Laughlin. According to casino spokespeople, Gallagher was let go after he complained about the casino's policy of selling drinks during his show (imagine that!), but Gallagher claims that he quit.

Gallagher doesn't deny hitting the guy. He says that he wanted to bring the dude onstage, but that he (the dude) was too busy yakking to a waitress. In his defense, Gallagher also says that the misdemeanor assault did get a laugh. Perhaps that's why the guy's complaining.

It'll never stick: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, can we, beyond a reasonable doubt, determine that the perpetrator was in fact Gallagher... or Gallagher II? (A gasp ripples through the courtroom... the judge bangs his gavel and declares the trial over!) Mr. Gallagher-- you're free to go!

We envision the front row of the jury box draped in 3-mil-thick Hefty bags.

Read all about it before you go clicking on any email attachments. You gotta give the little worms credit for dreaming up a nice incentive to click on an attachment. Didn't work on us. Hope we got to you in time.

This has been a public service announcement from SHECKYmagazine.com.