Katt Williams is touring. He stopped in Wilmington, DE, and was profiled in the News Journal. He touched on the nip in the air regarding certain restrictions on what comedians can and cannot say:

He sees an assault on freedom of speech on the horizon, if it has not begun already. (After Richard's ill-fated stand-up set, the Los Angeles comedy club where it occurred banned the n-word.)

"It bothers me heavily that I might have to become the next Lenny Bruce," he says, promising to, well, fight the power. "It's not something that I wanted for myself, but it's also not a responsibility that I can afford to shirk."

It has begun already. It began long ago. It is ongoing.

A first-person account in the U.K. Telegraph by Kieran Falconer tells how he handed over 600 British pounds for the privelege of flying to America, being trained in standup for two days and getting onstage at Gotham:

Clicking through websites recently I discovered a company in America-- Vocation Vacations-- that allows you to try out jobs for a couple of days, partly as a holiday and partly as a possible career change. You can try everything from alpaca farmer and coffee-bar owner to ringside announcer at wrestling matches. But I chose to do stand-up comedy, and to do it in New York in one of the city's biggest clubs, The Gotham Comedy Club, which accommodates 326 punters.

We'll be flying to London next week to try our hands at alpaca farming.

Vanessa Hollingshead is the one who does the tutoring. According to his account, the bloke does okay:

The Gotham Comedy Club now seems like the size of Wembley, and although the crowd is no more than 150 people, they don't look happy and I'm sure they're armed. (Richard Pryor once said that if they're laughing, they're not shooting.)

These Brits gotta stop reading the Telegraph! (They all think we Yanks are constantly dodging bullets. That kinda thing hasn't gone on in NYC since the Dinkins administration!)

From Straus Newspapers' website on Jimmy Brogan:

Brogan worked with Jay Leno for nine years on The Tonight Show as a comic, writer, and talent coordinator. Brogan opens for Leno when he performs at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, California. Leno calls Brogan every Sunday to ask if they're riding together.

"He picks me up in one of his 80 exotic cars," Brogan said. "We ride in a different one every Sunday. This has been a ritual since 1991."

There are comedians in Jamaica. Of course there are. Why wouldn't there be? And their problems are the same as comedians elsewhere, we assume. Take, for example, this quote from an article (Comedians reject 'joke' money) in the Jamaica Gleaner News, from Ity of the comedy team Ity and Fancy Cat:

Yuh nah find a whole lot a comedians like pon stage shows outside of being a host; you only have like Apache Chief and Sarge as acts. That's why we haffi put on our own show dem an tek care a everybody. If a man call an seh dem want Ity and Fancy Cat fi a show an mi seh yea, $600,000, dem a guh laugh so hard, but if dem call like Buju an him seh yea, dem a guh seh wah, wi get Buju fi dah price deh?" Ity said.

We aren't totally clear on the problem, but we gather that, just like everywhere, folks always try to bone comics out of money. (Price quotes are in Jamaican dollars.)

You aren't conversant in Jamaican patois? This website cyan 'elp yuh wit dat problem.

Robert Klein, quoted in the Jewish News Weekly of Northern California:

He also has a few bones to pick with the direction of stand-up comedy. "I'm not for any kind of censorship," he says, "but I do decry some of the vulgarity and cruelty. Constant vulgarity is akin to lack of civility. I got a mixed review in the New York Times, accusing me of not cursing."

From an interview on the occasion of his appearance at the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco this Saturday night.

On the occasion of the Bob & Tom All Stars Comedy Tour landing at the Peoria Civic Center this Friday, the Peoria Journal Star's Brad Burke talked to some B & T regulars, as well as to B & T themselves.

Bob Zany calls the long-running Indy morning program "the new Tonight Show," in terms of its impact on a comic's career.

An astute observation from Lord Carrett:

"You go on and you reach 6 million people at a time of day when they're much more awake than at 1 in the morning. And they're probably drinking coffee rather than Scotch, so they're more likely to remember you."

Read the whole thing here.

From a Richmond.com piece on the upcoming release of Whitney's movie, "Delta Farce":

Whitney found his niche on stage during one of his early shows when he introduced Larry the Cable Guy-- Larry is his middle name-– to the world. He had used the character during call-ins to radio stations in 1991 and 1992.

"It helped me develop a following," he said. "When I got on the radio it was really cool. Radio has been really good to me. A lot of comedians move to Los Angeles [to entertain], but I figured out a way to reach the masses through the radio. My material-- a lot of one-liners-- is really suited to the radio."[...]

"Stand-up is 10 percent comedy and 90 percent business," he explained. "I always want to take advantage of every opportunity that I can."

From Neil Hamburger, who has spent much of the year touring as the opening act for Tenacious D, has been featured in their movie and who has just released his second DVD, "The World's Funnyman." quoted in the Lawrence (KS) Journal-World:

Originally dubbed America’s Funnyman, Hamburger has apparently graduated to being the master of a global stage.

"I think you're looking at a marketing gimmick," he clarifies during a tour stop in Los Angeles. "When you've got stuff that's tough to sell — whether it's my patented brand of comedy or the new Pringles sour cream and onion potato chips-— you've got to pull out all the stops. Now, I have performed internationally quite a bit in the last year-— which could contribute to earning a title such as that, were it a real title."

Two radically different approaches to comedy, two radically different strategies to marketing, each solving different problems.

And two radically different dispositions.

From Whitney:

"I've been fortunate," Whitney said, noting that his rise to fame didn't happen overnight. "It's taken 22 years."

From Hamburger:

As for any future local funnymen who might want to follow in the comedian’s footsteps, Hamburger offers one bit of advice:

"Don't do it," he says. "This is a miserable way to live. There are not many rewards in this."

From Australian daily The Age:

Stand-up comics are increasingly turning to theatre directors to help give their gags extra punch, writes Greg Burchall.

After some initial reluctance, comedian Amelia Jane Hunter paired up with Ansuya Nathan to explore ways in which the director might assist in the creation of her solo show.

"We both come from theatre backgrounds so we could connect on a number of levels and it was fabulous to have some honest feedback," Hunter says.

So... you have a comedian with three successful solo shows under her belt who teams with a director at the behest of the producers of the show who is reticent, but eventually gushes over the process and the results.

Burchall, however, can't resist the opportunity to dredge up the classic characterization of standup comics:

Directors usually need to be subtle when they make suggestions to these often insecure or volatile performers.[...]

Yes, that's us! Often insecure or volatile!

Of course, it matters not that the previous ten paragraphs contradict that description. They're bursting with quotes from the comedian that demonstrates not insecurity or volatility, but prudence, independence, skepticism. And there is also a willingness to compromise, a concession to suggestions of her producers-- even after a record of success-- and an eventual, willing admission that the path was the correct one.

But why let that get in the way of a good trashing?

Erik Davis, writing for Cinematical.com, goes hyper-prissy on us:

I know, by this point you're just dying for more information on Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show (ugh, I feel dirty just writing that).

Yes, Erik, and we feel dirty just reading your garbage.

He goes on to explain (while never missing a chance to say something negative) that nearly every minute of Vaughn's 2005 30-city comedy tour was filmed and that the movie made from the footage will be distributed to theaters early next year. Davis then goes on to compare the project to Tourgasm, about which he says:

Parts of it were cute, but whenever you get a group of stand-up comedians together on a tour bus (and they're all being filmed), you can't help but cringe as they speak to one another with this shtick-like dialogue-- as if every other sentence is a punch line to a joke you never asked for in the first place.

Uh... Erik... they were speaking to one another... so, like, technically, we didn't ask for the punchline to the jokes in the first place.

Davis never mentions the comedians featured in the movie by name, so we will-- Bret Ernst, John Caparulo, Ahmed Ahmed and Sebastian Maniscalco.

Yawn.

From Lynn Shawcroft's website:

So here's a cool project that you can be a part of. I have seen some amazing Mitch-related art on the internet and on Mitch's message board. It really is great. And it started me a-thinking...

How about asking for submissions for an upcoming 2008 calendar? Designs, drawings, etc. Maybe how you see Mitch? Or, an illustration of one of his jokes? Whatever you want. Be creative.

The Mitch mentioned is, of course, Mitch Hedberg.

Artists are advised to send their submissions to mitchcalendar(at sign)hotmail.com and are asked to provide a name, an email address and a mailing address. All entries must be received by June 15th, 2007. Winning submissions get $100 plus five copies of the limited run calendars. Winners will be contacted after June 15th.

Daniel Trotta, in a Reuters piece, writes that Russel Simmons and Benjamin Chavis said:

We recommend that the recording and broadcast industries voluntarily remove/bleep/delete the misogynistic words 'bitch' and 'ho' and the racially offensive word 'nigger.'

Simmons is co-founder of Def Jam records and producer of HBO's Def Comedy Jam. Chavis is head of an "advocacy group" called the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network.

Monday's statement changed course from another one by Simmons and Chavis dated April 13, a day after Imus' show was canceled, in which they said offensive references in hip-hop "may be uncomfortable for some to hear, but our job is not to silence or censor that expression."

April 13, it's not their job. April 23, it is their job.

What the hell happened in the space of ten days to compel Simmons and Chavis to change so drastically their stance on such an important issue? On April 13, the bitch/ho/nigger express was chugging along... 240 hours later, these two have recommended "the formation of a Coalition on Broadcast Standards that would consist of leading executives from music, radio and television."

Of course, all four major networks (and most cable outlets) already have broadcast standards in place. They have bodies set up "to review all non-news broadcast matter, including entertainment, sports and commercials, for compliance with legal, policy, factual, and community standards." (Museum of Broadcasting Communications). And, thanks to Tipper Gore and the Parents Music Resource Center, we had parental advisory stickers on CD's and video games. And the Motion Picture Association of America rates all the product coming through the movie theaters.

What exactly are Simmons and Chavis proposing? Or are they bluffing? And will their proposed Coalition of Broadcast Standards be a vehicle for artistic oppression or about "social responsibility of the industry to voluntarily show respect to African Americans and other people of color, African American women and to all women in lyrics and images?" (Curiously, white American males are left out... hmmm... perhaps it's just an oversight!)

None of this seems to pose any sort of threat to comics... yet.

What would happen if Cosby, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler and Ray Romano formed a coalition and proposed that we all voluntarily expunge certain words, phrases and images from our works, verbal and visual? It sounds far-fetched, but who ever thought that anyone could put enough pressure on Russell Simmons, who is said to be worth $110 million, that he would issue the above statements?

The White House Correspondents Dinner switched gears. Last year, you'll recall, Stephen Colbert made worldwide headlines by grimacing his way through his prepared remarks. This year, they hired Rich Little.

"I'm not here to make any political points," the veteran comic said. "I'm a nightclub entertainer who tells a lot of dumb stupid jokes. I'm just here tonight trying to make enough money to get my relatives out of Canada."

Read the whole thing.

At first, we thought it was a joke. Backstage.com reported that Factory owner Jamie Masada fined Dave Chappelle $2,200 for breaking Masada's insipid N-word ban several times during his six-hour show last week.

Chappelle should charge Masada $6 million for the publicity generated by the marathon performance. That would be approximately a 90 per cent discount.

Kimberly Nordyke, in the Hollywood Reporter:

Comedy Central has joined forces with comedian Brian Regan, a regular guest on CBS' Late Show With David Letterman, for a stand-up tour, TV specials and DVD release.[...]

Regan's 2006 tour played to sold-out theaters in 74 cities.

Regan/C.C.'s two-legged tour will kick off June 8 and will come to 40 cities. It'll be called "Brian Regan in Concert: A Comedy Central Live Event."

We saw the '06 tour when it came to the Scottish Rite Theater in Collingswood, NJ (PHL). There is no one hotter in live standup right now.

From GoTriad.com (NC), an article on a local comic who is in the running for Nickelodeon's Funniest Mom

One of the comedians, she said to me, 'Quit telling people you've only been doing this for six months!' and I'm like, 'I'm kinda proud of that,'" Burgess said.

According to Burgess, nearly all 13 contestants who made it to the California taping were professionals with agents and frequent paying gigs, including Cathy Ladman, who has appeared on network TV and HBO.

"When I saw her, I was like, 'Is she a celebrity judge? Why is she here?' and they were like, 'No, she's a contestant,' " Burgess says. "It was like she was using the show to sorta kick-start her career."

Meee-Yow!

From where does this notion come? This idea that we are all somehow downtrodden, destitute and all in need of something to "kick-start" the career? And why, if that were the case, would it be such a negative thing? People, comedians, like Ladman, go on television because millions of people watch television. If a comedian is in the business of show (no matter at what level), he/she probably can/should take advantage of an opportunity to appear on television. If, for no other reason, than to expose him/herself to a newer/broader audience.

We hear quotes like this one and we suspect that some folks prefer that experienced comedians not be allowed to participate. (The premise being that those in need of a some sort of kick-start had a chance and really don't deserve a second-- or, perhaps, a third-- chance. And that the participation of the grizzled veteran is somehow... "unfair.") The flip side of that is even more ludicrous-- That television should exist solely to afford instant, eye-popping fame to the young, the inexperienced, the "new." Sanjaya Syndrome taken to its horrific, unsatisfying, unentertaining extreme!

Why is one contestant allowed (or encouraged) to wear six months experience as a badge of honor, yet another contestant can't be equally proud of 20+ years spent on a stage? Let's be real: Standup comedy is difficult to master. It takes a while to be truly competent. We won't sit idly by and let some folks continue to propagate the concept that one can be a fully-formed comedian in the space of six months... or that a comedian who isn't a household name after two decades of hard work is somehow less than deserving of fame, fortune or respect.

Are we above passing judgement on a movie we haven't even seen? Certainly not! This quote might tell you all you need to know:

"Comedy is painful," Parr said. "People think a comedian's life is all smiles, but it can hurt-- especially when people aren't laughing at your best stuff."

When "people aren't laughing at your best stuff," the reaction usually isn't boo-hoo, it's "What the fuck was that all about?!" We think it's safe to say that self-pity is not one of the things that comedians are noted for.

Former comedian (now air personality) Russ Parr wrote a film ten years ago whose characters (standup comics) "deal with drugs, death and the hardships of watching other performers steal their material." Warner Bros. has picked it up.

Adopting a Don King/Rocky motif, Comedy Central's news release explaining the rules and regs for their "Open Mic Fight," "the first-ever multi-platform, national stand-up competition," although, you'll get a fight from the producers of "Ed McMahon's Next Big Star" and "Sierra Mist's Knock Down Drag Out" (or whatever that was called).

From the Comedy Central site, under "Rules":

You may not enter or win if you have appeared in any on-air Comedy Central stand-up program.

Does that include Standup Standup? Because, if it does, that pretty much knocks out any comic who started before 1992. (Even comics who appeared on Kevin Ferguson's Fort Wayne Night Shift ended up on that show. It was a popular Comedy Central show that was nothing but a host-- Wali Collins! Sue Kolinsky! And many others!-- presenting clip after clip after clip of standup from shows large and small, fabled and obscure!)

Our second favorite lines from the rules:

The Competition is designed for comedians with some (although not necessarily extensive) prior public performance experience. However, entrants with all levels of experience are welcome.

Hmmm... Is this a minimum requirement? Or a disguised maximum requirement? In othere words: Is this to weed out the goofballs and the wannabe's? Or is it to keep out the veterans? Fascinating!

Burger King (well-known as a patron of the sweet science) is the exclusive sponsor of the competition.

It's all over the internet. Associated Press is reporting that Dave Chappelle "shattered the Laugh Factory's endurance record" by doing a six-hour, seven-minute set Sunday night.

FOS Joe Starr writes:

I have great respect for Dave Chapelle, so I mean to take away nothing when I say, "Yes, it's impressive that he broke the Laff Factory's endurance record, but..." He did six hours and seven minutes straight. He broke Dane Cook's record of three hours and change, which was set a few weeks ago.

But, as always, so few people know their comedy history. G. David Howard is actually in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest set in stand-up history - he did 16 hours straight without a break and without repeating a joke.

Once again the old timers get shoved aside.

The Discovery Channel website recently ran an item on some scientists who analyzed the science behind the magic that is standup comedy ("Standup comedy formula decoded").

Stephen Straight is a professor of anthropology and linguistics, as well as a vice provost, at Binghamton. He agreed the analysis helps show how humor works, but he points out it can also go awry, as during the recent Don Imus and Michael Richards events.

"The humor of comics typically depends upon constant and deliberate ambiguity of voice," Straight told Discovery News. "That is, in order to get the joke, a receiver must understand that the humor-maker is speaking in more than one voice at the same time."

But there does seem to be a point where comics can cross a line from humor into hurt.

"Yes, Imus was speaking in the voice of an imaginary rapper, as proven by a choice of words completely alien to his usual on-air persona," Straight said, "but to accept these words as humorous, the listener has to be able to accept them simultaneously as an expression of Imus' 'real' voice."

Say wha?!? Why don't they ever just ask comics? We analyze the formula constantly. We maintain that the conversation between two comics as they drive the two hours to a hell gig sheds more light on the "complex formula strengthened by multiple linguistic techniques" that these two labcoats cooked up.

We prefer the analysis of Joe Rogan, interviewed recently in the Rocky Mountain Spotted News:

"Michael Richards is a very bad comedian and I think Michael Richards is also a guy who's used to getting a lot of love-- he's used to that Seinfeld love. But I think just being onstage in the real trenches, you have to go through pain. If you're not a bright person, and Michael Richards doesn't strike me as a bright person, then your ability to think on your feet is going to be hampered. When someone is yelling out, 'You're not funny,' and you're a beginning comic, that's the worst thing you can hear, because you don't have an answer for it. He's bombing and these guys are yelling at him and he just wants to hurt them and the only way he can think of hurting them is using a racial slur. That was his split-second decision. Is he a racist? No. He's a fool and he's not very funny."

Aussie comic Jim Jeffries, performing at the Comedy Store in Manchester (England, not New Hampshire), is attacked. It's on YouTube, of course, complete with a pitch for Jeffries' CD at the end of the clip!

One comment on the clip, left by someone identified only as "lamrachypoo," said:

Brilliant. I will step up security for your gig with us in June x

Step up security, indeed!

The attack is unprovoked. As Jeffries himself says, when he returns briefly to the stage, he wasn't even saying anything remotely controversial. (He was doing material about "weird cunts.")

This is not the time to be a conservative or a liberal. This is not the time to be a democrat or a republican. This is the time to identify as a comedian. Comedians who are looking to protect free speech.

In the days since Imus was banished from the air, some folks have tried to paint this whole affair as a right vs. left struggle, as a conservative vs. liberal battle. That couldn't be further from the truth.

It's getting more absurd with each passing news cycle-- The folks who started, and kept, the ball rolling on the Imus dismissal, have tried to propagate the meme that Imus was a "conservative talk show host." Of course, this is utter nonsense. While it may be true that he called then-President Clinton a "pot-smoking weasel" at the 1996 Radio and TV Correspondents Association dinner, Imus said nasty things about folks on both sides of the aisle. As a comedian, he walked straight down the middle. As a non-comedian, however, it's clear he tilted to the left-- Kerry for President, Out of Iraq, etc.

Some have even gone so far as to attribute Imus' firing to a plot by Karl Rove and George Bush. (We're not making that up!)

If there was ever a time to resist the temptation to score points for one side or the other, to resist the temptation to shoehorn a high-profile incident into the left/right, liberal/conservative narrative, it is this time. The stakes are higher. Comedians should behave like boxers-- look out for the punches coming from the left and the right. Both have the potential to inflict serious damage.

Presidential hopeful (and that is a cruel abuse of the word "hopeful") Mike Huckabee defended Imus on an Iowa radio show, just after the radio host was finally canned. He said that Imus' ho statement was "wrong," "inexcusable" and "over the top."

Huckabee said that what made the statement so bad "was that it was directed at amateur athletes and college students... and those are classy kids and they've shown an extraordinary level of class through this whole thing, more so than anybody else I've seen on either side of it."

Huckabee, though, worries the Imus firing goes down the path of telling people what they can say. "There's a side of me that gets a little concerned," Huckabee says. "Where does that stop?"

According to Huckabee, the marketplace should have decided Imus' fate. If ratings for his show plummeted, then he'd be canceled, Huckabee says. [...]

Of course, all the press has seized upon is the preface to the above remarks. Huckabee, when asked if he agreed with the nets' decision to fire Imus said:

"That was a decision the networks had to make. I think if Imus is going to get fired, then there's a number of other people who need to go out the door," Huckabee says. "Rosie's probably's got to go. Bill Maher has to go. Gosh, half of television and talk radio has to go."

Of course, all the media has seized upon is "Rosie and Maher need to go!" Which doesn't seem to be Huckabee's point.

There's an audio clip of his statement. He sounds exasperated, not vindictive. His point in framing it the way he did-- If Imus has to go, so does Rosie and Bill-- is not to propose a tit for tat exchange, but to ask the question, "Where does that stop?"

Tom Delay, on the other hand, blogged that Rosie should, indeed, be booted off of ABC's The View.

The response is predictable-- Delay is a convenient villain for many. But if you get past the bluster of his blog post, what he's called for "to use the available media... to protest and demand that Rosie O'Donnell be kicked off The View."

Some have tried to characterize Delay's call for Rosie's head as some sort of a vindictive payback, an anti-gay, anti-democratic attempt to silence a lone, brave voice through underhanded, shadowy maneuvers. But what he suggests are "demonstrations in front of ABC," boycotting the show's advertisers and ABC's parent, Disney, and "holding Barbara Walters accountable for Rosie's offenses." Not the stuff of totalitarian nightmares-- citizens engaging in boycotts, writing letters to the editor and putting pressure on sponsors and producers are the usual methods that folks in a free society use to voice their displeasure over statements made on the public airwaves.

Compare Delay's suggested method for bouncing his least favorite talkshow host to the methods used in getting Imus off the air. A videotape of the Imus gaffe is emailed to prominent Beltway figures on Wednesday, April 4. 112 hours later, after a handful of hastily called press conferences, corporate arm-twisting, backroom dealing and media manipulation, Imus' 30-year career is a smoking hole in the ground. There was no public groundswell of anti-Imus sentiment, no complaints phoned to the FCC, no letter-writing campaigns.

Which method should give us pause? Which should we be comfortable with?

We find it odd that folks are conveniently ignoring the fact that Delay and Huckabee are conservatives and republicans who are defending a talk show host who supported John Kerry for president and who was/is solidly and vocally against the war in Iraq. It is quite clear to anyone who listened to Imus for even a few minutes over the last five years that neither Delay nor Huckabee would agree with Imus on one single thing. Yet the two of them are on record saying that Imus' career should not have been so ingloriously truncated. That the manner in which he was terminated was less than fair.

They seem to be a little jumpy about the way in which he was taken down and they fear where it all might lead. Like Huckabee said, "Where does that stop?" Even O'Donnell expressed the same fear:

Right, but it's not a freedom if you outlaw certain words or thoughts, because then the thought police come and then before you know it, everyone's in Guantanamo Bay without representation.

Of course, she isn't so much defending Imus as she's expressing grave fears about her own skin. And, as usual, she did so in her typically hamhanded, over-the-top, Noam Chomsky-meets-Ted Baxter kinda way, but there is one small kernel of truth in there-- Where does that stop? On this, Rosie and Huckabee can agree.

So far, the majority of the (few) folks who have mounted any kind of a defense of Imus have been right of center in the ideological spectrum. The folks who were frequent guests on Imus' show (mostly liberal, Eastern political types and media figures) have miraculously disappeared. They've roundly condemned the statement, but they've conspicuously failed to defend the man. How much do they fear Jackson, Sharpton, Media Matters, et al? This is what should be troubling to folks from one end of the ideological spectrum to the other. Especially despicable has been the behavior of the MSNBC/NBC cabal, which has been so weasel-like as to make the NBC newsroom look like an episode of Meerkat Manor!

And, of course, it's been our contention that the ultimate target is comedy. At the very least, comedy will be among the collateral damage. Humor, so the new game plan goes, should be without victims. In the bright future envisioned by the folks who took down Imus, comedy will be sanitized-- no cruelty, no bullying, no meanness for the sake of meanness. Certain groups, figures, genders will be off-limits. Satirists will be ordered to lay off some topics. Political correctness will be our salvation, a righteous way to halt the coarsening of society. It will be 1992 all over again. We don't want that.

A humorous short film from comedian Tim O'Rourke related to the recent Imus controversy, savaging Sharpton, Jackson and Allred. Click here.

That's what Gwen Ifill said to NYT columnist David Brooks on Meet The Press a few minutes ago as Brooks tried to make a distinction between truly odious speech and that which might reasonably be considered humor. Ifill would have none of it.

She calmly said, "Comedy has to be funny, David."

So, there you have it.

If Ifill-- or someone like her (and there are way too many people like her)-- find your humorous comments to be offensive, you are screwed.

Bill Maher is screwed, Rosie O'Donnell is screwed, Rush Limbaugh is screwed, we're screwed, you're all screwed.

Gwen Ifill and the Army of the Earnest-- humorless scolds, dour, politically correct reverends, ambitious politicians looking to pick up X-number of votes in this demographic or that demographic-- are on a mission. The first victim was Imus.

Weenies like Tim Russert, Sam Tanenhaus, David Gregory are all now parading across our TV screens, sweating nervously, with a half-grin/half-grimace, giving horribly contorted reasons (excuses) for why they appeared (repeatedly) on Imus' show. And in their rush to distance themselves from the show and the man (and get on the "right" side of all this), they are condemning everything that might be even the least bit "offensive." They are publicly flagellating themselves and making sure that everyone knows that they don't think it's funny any more. From Tanenhaus, in today's NYT:

Those of us who benefited from his attention can only feel saddened now, not only because we are indebted to him, but because we too played a part in the performance he carried too far.

It is an appalling display.

And, all too often, "humor" and humorists, are cited as the "problem."

When the late C. Dolores Tucker campaigned against lurid, hate-filled misogynist lyrics and images in rap music and video, she was derided as an officious busybody, a meddlesome annoyance who was merely tolerated, often regarded with a roll of the eyes. Rap music was protected speech, went the counter argument. Tucker's crusade was given lip service by the Rev. Jackson and others, but when the dust settled, Ludacris was a modern day equivalent of a troubadour "who afforded suburban teens keen insight into the urban experience." The now-legitimate Snoop Dogg was signed as a spokesperson by Chrysler.

Now, the Army of the Earnest-- The Few, The Proud, The Humorless-- are invoking Tucker as if she were a saint, as though they've carried Tucker's picture in a locket around their necks. To hear them tell it, they were just waiting for an incident like this one to, once and for all, "clean up the culture."

There's only one problem: The discussion, as it proceeds in excruciating slow motion, is drifting away from rap music and inexorably toward humor. It is humor-- as dispensed by Imus and "others like him," that is truly hateful, terribly corrosive and which must be... stopped? Wiped out? Ended? Choose your verb. It's all the same.

And they are naming names. Figures on the left and the right are bandied about-- in columns, on blogs and on television talk shows-- Maher's next, Olbermann's in danger, Rosie O'Donnell should watch what she says, Limbaugh's every utterance is under scrutiny, Glenn Beck might think about reigning it in a little.

To her credit, O'Donnell defended Imus, sensing where the entire lynching might lead. To his discredit, Olbermann joined the mob and publicly declared that he would be the one doing the scrutiny.

This whole affair wouldn't be all that worrisome if the ultimate mission was merely to remove one person from the air-- sad as that is, Imus was merely a victim of corporate weenies/market forces, to a small extent; nothing new there. But, the folks who dined on Imus' carcass don't seem to be quite finished-- Imus is merely the appetizer.

And they don't seem all that focused on rappers as much as on humorists. In fact, the "Imus only used the same language as rappers" argument is being labeled as "a diversion," a red herring, a disingenuous parlor trick that's only intended to save the skin of a washed up shockjock.

No, the real target this time seems to be humor and humorists, broadly defined.

It's an adult version of the fashionable, softheaded anti-bullying campaigns that have turned our schools and playgrounds into group therapy sessions. Ifill and others are determined to criminalize any commentary that is defined as cruel. Defined as cruel by them.

Humor, it has always been said, is subjective. Normally, that means that a statement intended as humorous might be viewed by some as not-so-humorous. This kind of elemental, binary ground rule has protected humor for some time now-- it's been the shield we've all labored beneath since the beginning of comedy time. "Hey! I was kidding! It was a joke!"

This defense is no longer sufficient. Comedy, decrees Ifill (and those who will line up behind her), has to be funny. It's a declaration. It's a threat. It should be a warning to all who make a living through humor.

The hypocrisy is astonishing-- from the various media types whose books became bestsellers, whose television profiles were raised to dizzying heights, whose names became household words by virtue of their appearance on Imus' show-- they all are now adopting the "I never actually listened to the show" defense. They are all watching helplessly as their direct pipeline to The Demographic Sweetspot snaps shut.

Not one of them has matter-of-factly said, "I always just thought he was kidding." That might be a mildly tough position to defend, but not one of these normally eloquent authors, correspondents or academics is making even the weakest attempt at doing so, lest they be branded as some sort of racist, misogynist troglodyte by the Ifills of the world. (Brooks tried. He cited Borat as an example of a kidder who might be mistaken for hate-monger. He used a rather handy analogy-- he compared the nattering of the Borat character as more akin to involuntary manslaughter as opposed to murder. It was this opportunity that Ifil took to utter her threat.)

There are some defenders, even if the defense comes a bit late. In a NY Post commentary from Kinky Friedman:

The Matt Lauers and Al Rokers of this world live by the cue-card and die by the cue-card; Imus is a rare bird, indeed - he works without a net. When you work without a net as long as Imus has, sometimes you make mistakes.

Wavy Gravy says he salutes mistakes. They're what makes us human, he claims. And humanity beyond doubt, is what appears to be missing from this equation. If we've lost the ability to laugh at ourselves, to laugh at each other, to laugh together, then the PC world has succeeded in diminishing us all.

Political correctness, a term first used by Joseph Stalin, has trivialized, sanitized and homogenized America, transforming us into a nation of chain establishments and chain people.

A legend is gone!

For a good long while, Don Ho held court at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, the sprawling resort complex on the end of Waikiki. The Honolulu Comedy Club was next door at the Ilikai, and on occasion, the proprietor of the HCC would get requests for comics to open for Ho.

The Male Half had an opportunity to do so, but turned it down. We're foggy on the reasons, but it doesn't matter now. It remains one of his show biz regrets.

At least the Male Half was able to get his elderly parents in to see Ho's show in 1990. They were visiting Oahu (to coincide with one of our stints at the HCC), and they attended Mr. Tiny Bubbles' revue at the Hilton and thoroughly enjoyed it. The Male Half's mother was one of the millions of American women who had a special Hawaiian crush on Don Ho after the Tiny Bubbles single re-infectd the nation with Hawaiimania.

We visited Rascals last night to witness Alex House's comeback gig after the March 18 birth of daughter Grace. House is seen in the above photo shielding the newborn from the paparazzi.

For the opinion of a standup comic, in this case Jimmie Walker, click his Jewish World Review piece.

The other corporate shoe dropped yesterday-- CBS axed "shockjock" Don Imus' radio show. We haven't commented on it until now because a.) we knew it wasn't anywhere near over and b.) Imus is not a standup comic.

Well, it's over. And Imus is still not a standup comic.

His remarks were, however, intended to amuse. And, more and more in the past 48 hours, various commentators and columnists have been blurring the line between what Imus does (or did) and what we comedians do.

Time magazine has a sprawling mess of a cover story by James Poniewozik on the Imus affair that manages to invoke Sarah Silverman, Dick Gregory, Dave Chappelle and Lenny Bruce. (Read the whole thing only if you'd like to be more confused about the issues and the people involved.)

Other writers and publications have weighed in, conflating standup comedy and Imus' schtick, but they're too numerous to cite and the points are all rather fuzzy anyway.

Then there are the folks who are trying to couch it as a First Amendment/Free Speech issue, which we like to keep an eye on. But we're fairly certain that there hasn't been much of that to consider in this mess.

As the dust settles, the big losers are:

Imus Of course, no further explanation required. Although we predict he'll sign with XM or with Sirius, the home of his arch-rival Howard Stern.

Politicians (mostly Dems) The various (mostly New England-centric) politicians frequently guested on the show and they valued Imus' platform-- NYC and 61 stations nationwide-- as a way to get their message to a coveted demographic. Read the LAT piece for an analysis of the fallout for this group.

Media people Particularly NBC folks like Tim Russert, David Gregory and others. They were frequent Imus guests and they provided listeners with sometimes raucous commentary on breaking political news. (Particularly bizarre was the time David Gregory called in and the host and crew speculated as to whether Gregory was drunk!)

Imus listeners See above.

Kids with cancer and blood disorders CBS should be ashamed of themselves. They might have waited until this week's Imus radiothon to benefit childrens' charities was over before bringing the hammer down. Somewhere along the way, Bruce Gordon and Les Moonves lost perspective: Championing dying children over your embattled DJ is a no-brainer. The firing could have waited until Monday.

Vivian Stringer and the Scarlet Knights They played this one badly-- All their whining about how they've been "permanently scarred" seems pitiful when compared to the folks whose lives have been affected by SIDS and heinous, fatal childhood diseases. They might have been advised to cut a large check for Tomorrows Children, shut their yaps about their own "scarring" and opened up a can of private whoopass on the I-Man, rather than do it the way they did. (For a fascinating perspective from the POV of a sports columnist, read Jason Whitlock's Kansas City Star column, it's worth five minutes.)

Gov. Jon Corzine The New Jersey gov lays crumpled in critical condition from injuries sustained in a hit-and-run accident while headed to the photo op at the Governor's Mansion in Princeton. He was on his way to the Historical Meeting between the offended basketball squad and the shamed radio host. He's looking at six months of rehab. Prediction: Resignation-- It'll afford him the necessary time to recover from his broken bones and maybe spare him from the perp walk for his shaky deals with (and diddling of) a powerful Jersey union boss. (Perhaps he's the big winner in all this!)

Free Speech Sure, we said earlier that, up until now, free speech wasn't threatened. But recent comments by folks like Al Sharpton and other columnists give us pause.

The usual "villain" in matters such as this, the FCC, is on record as saying that Imus speech is protected.

The FCC is barred from trying to prevent the broadcast of any point of view. The Communications Act prohibits the agency from censoring broadcast material, in most cases, and from making any regulation that would interfere with freedom of speech. (So says Reuters)

Folks like Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, however, are not convinced. Sharpton has gone so far as to say that "I think we also have to have now a broad discussion on how the music industry allows this to be used. ... I don't think that we should stop at NBC, and I don't think we should stop at Imus" (WABC-NY) Anyone else feel a breeze? (Let's all do our best Tim Robbins impression: "A... chill... wind... is blooooowinnnng...")

And while we're on the subject of censorship, does anyone else find it creepy that someone running for President of the United States of America would call for someone to be fired? That's precisely what Barack Obama (D-IL) did. He's entitled to weigh in on the relative propriety of Imus' remarks, but call for Imus to be fired?

There's been much talk of "priveleged white men" and the "locker room atmosphere" and folks "looking the other way" when Imus engaged in "racist, misogynist" banter. But these priveleged white men were trained media professionals and career politicians, nearly all at or near the top of their chosen professions. Are we to believe that they were "looking the other way?" That's just preposterous. But the opposite choice-- that they are equally as racist and misogynist as the host-- is equally preposterous.

The third, unspoken, most likely scenario is that all who appeared on Don Imus' show (and, we must add, nearly all who listened to his show) were quite aware that Imus was kidding. That his gibes, his ranting, his talk of "tight-fisted, money-grubbing Jews" and his branding of John Kerry as "a moron" and his seemingly off-handed labelling of the Rutgers womens' team as "nappy-headed hos" were all... just... jokes. Humor. Admittedly rough, raw, vicious humor, but humor nonetheless.

The idea that these media types and pols were duped, were unaware or were sharing in the deepest darkest sentiments from the fat, dark heart of craggy old Don Imus doesn't hold up for one nanosecond. These folks have made million by not looking the other way, they've gotten to where they are by sticking their noses into the business and the minds and the hearts of others. The idea that they were guests on the Imus show, while being even the slightest bit suspicious that Imus actually harbored dark and hateful feelings about any of the people he slammed is just too ridiculous to contemplate.

Comics Billy Wayne Davis and Monti Carlo are getting married Sunday evening. By an Elvis impersonator... or by a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator. It's not clear from the email.

Click here at exactly 5 PM Pacific Daylight Time on Sunday and scroll down to the Doo Wop Diner link. That'll open up a Real Player, which will, if your timing is right, enable you to watch these two crazy kids get hitched... live... via the internet... by someone pretending to be someone else.

Crafty one, that Billy Wayne is: We're certain he was the one who chose April 15 to get married-- it's easy to remember, because it's Tax Day.

Tom Horgan, writing last month in The Minneapolis Star-Turbine, says that much of the Acme Comedy Co.'s success is due to owner Louis Lee's cultivation of local talent through the club's open mike night.

Life is good at Acme. Its open-mike night has become the bedrock of the club, cultivating local talent and consistently making Monday the busiest night of the week.

Any club that devotes anything less than full attention to its open mike is flirting with disaster. It is the lifeblood of any club (outside of NYC or LA) and, in many cases, it can be an exciting evening that serves as "intake," not just for comedians, but for potential weekend customers.

The article contains neat factoids about Acme- particluarly interesting is that it was a quarter of a million in the hole after the first couple years of operation.

We haven't performed at the Acme since late 1992... perhaps we're too heavily associated with the red ink. We swear-- it was none of our doing. If anything, we helped to staunch the flow of the red stuff, as we got ink (aka "The Black Stuff") in the local papers whenever we appeared! In fact, on the occasion of his last Acme appearance, the Male Half was on television twice in one day-- on Star Search and Comedy On The Road-- leading to a nice hit in the MS-T.)

Go here to vote on your favorite comic performance out of many that have aired on the CBC over the years. As there aren't many details, we're not quite sure if the contest is limited to Canadians... but it doesn't say it's not.

If you win, you'll get an "expenses-paid trip" to the Festival in July. Again, there aren't many details, so we don't know what that includes.

This is the title of a book by Berlin-born Till Weingaertner, a graduate student at Kansai University Graduate School of Sociology. It's his doctoral thesis, a comprehensive survey of Japanese humor, and he knows of what he writes-- as part of his study of comedy in Japan, Weingaertner and a fellow Kansai student performed as part of a "manzai" team.

...Weingaertner defines manzai by quoting Japanese researchers, introduces the history of the comedy genre and explains its relationship to Osaka. Weingaertner also explains the manzai roles of "boke," the person who plays the foolish and funny comedian, and "tsukkomi," the straight man who corrects the boke's misinterpretations.

Sounds like Abbott (tsukkomi) & Costello (boke).

Of course, readers of this magazine are already somewhat familiar with some of these terms. In November of 2004, we ran two items on Japanese comedy, one dealing with manzai, one dealing with rakugo. (The latter term referring to a form of Japanese performance that is essentially sit-down story-telling with serious punchlines. As we all know, "alternative" is devilishly hard for most Japanese folks to pronounce, thus the term "rakugo.")

Weingaertner has plans to inject manzai into the entertainment scene of his native Germany, where comedians, he says, aren't as popular as they are in Japan.

He says Japan has a rich comedy culture, which varies from rakugo or manzai to the ancient comedy of kyogen.

"I realized how well comedy has been received in Japan," Weingaertner said, noting that young male comedians are often surrounded by crowds of squealing young female fans and that popular comedians often appear in TV commercials.

For more insights like this one, read the whole thing in Daily Yomiuri Online.

A famous Chinese comic who endorsed "Tibetan Secret Fat Elimination Tea" has been sued for making the above false claim. According to a Reuters report on the lawsuit, comedian Guo Degang's bold claim became a catchphrase in China.

The unhappy customer says she lost no weight at all and suffered nausea and vomiting after drinking the allegedly slimming beverage. She originally drank the tea because she was a Guo Degang fan.

Coincidentally, fans of ours lose no weight at all and suffer from nausea and vomiting-- without ingesting any tea at all. We just might be subject to a Chinese lawsuit!

She's a comic, but she's not, like, you know, comical.

So reads the opening line of Dick Kreck's piece in the Denver Post on Funniest Mom contender Stephanie McHugh.

Kreck elaborates further on his thesis:

Unlike a lot of stand-up comics, McHugh knows when to be funny and has learned when to relax.

Yes, indeed, we're all just a bunch of backslapping, guffawing cretins. We stroll through life saying and doing inappropriate things at inopportune times-- broad, physical schtick at funerals, loud fart noises at preliminary hearings, squirting flowers always at the ready and joy buzzers, we mustn't forget to bring the joy buzzer wherever we go!

Does this guy Kreck know us, or what?!

The show's been taped, the finalists have been determined and all who participated are contractually obligated to keep their mouths shut. It premieres tonight-- check your paper/news aggregator for local times and cable channels. We'll be taping it while watching House.

Ben Kharakh, who interviews FOS DJ Hazard for The Gothamist describes him thusly:

He was a part of the wild Boston comedy scene of the 80's that spawned the likes of Stephen Wright and Bobcat Goldthwait, he's talked people out of killing themselves, and he's lived out of his car for three years as he traveled the country doing stand up. Someone get this guy a book deal!

Read it for a primer on the Boston scene and, of course, to find out why Hazard is Hazard, and what Hazard is doing these days.

Someone get him a book deal, indeed! Comedians, in our shared opinion, are some of the best people in the world to give book deals to.

The District is having a comedy fest from April 12 through 14.

That's the District of Columbia Comedy Festival. In addition to a lot of improv and sketch comedy, ther following standup comics are featured:

David Angelo
Vince Averill
Pat Brice
Mike Bridenstein
Eddie Brill
Mike Burns
Bill Bushart
Michelle Buteau
Rob Cantrell
Jordan Carlos
J.L. Cauvin
Nick Cobb
Claudia Cogan
Ryan Conner
Nate Craig
Becky Donohue
Jon Dore
Sean Flannery
Mark Forward
Sean Gabbert
Renee Gauthier
Jay Hastings
Andy Haynes
Mike Holmes
Brandon Ivey
Kyle Kinane
Hari Kondabolu
Ben Konstantin
Jeff Kreisler
Allison Leber
Jared Logan
Dartanion London
Kojo Mante
T.J. Miller
Jon Mumma
Kumail Nanjiani
Brady Novak
Rob Paravonian
Andy Peters
Larry Poon
Joe Robinson
Rory Scovell
Seaton Smith
C.J. Sullivan
Prescott Tolk
Baron Vaughn
Chris White
Elon James White
Drake Witham
Manolis Zontanos

Pack your down underwear, the Melbourne International Comedy Fest is happening through the 29th of this month.

An annual event, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival literally takes over Australia's comedy capital, Melbourne, each autumn with an enormous program of stand-up comedy, cabaret, theatre, street performance, film, television, radio and visual arts.

The Festival was launched in 1987 by Barry Humphries and Peter Cook.

We had no idea that Dame Edna and Dudley Moore's old comedy partner had a hand in starting this party.

They describe it as "one of the three largest comedy festivals in the world, alongside Edinburgh Festival Fringe and Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival," which sound so much better than "the third largest."

The ABC reality show Wife Swap is seeking a family with a mom or a dad who is a comedian. Click here to see if you qualify and fill out the application. Get ready-- it's a lengthy and intrusive list of questions which looks to take about a half-hour to fill in.

FOS Randy Masters filed the following report on Yuk Yuk's Second Annual Great Canadian Laugh-Off:

The weather was unseasonably warm in Toronto last week, which was a nice surprise. Some great crowds came out for the semifinals, from March 26-31. I attended the first three shows, then appeared on the bill that Thursday night (along with fellow New Yorker, Andy Hendrickson). The winner that Thursday night was local comedienne Michelle Shaugnessy.

The competition, as to be expected, was tough. The first prize was $25,000. True, it's $25,000 Canadian, but still. Apparently, Yuk Yuk's is trying to get a more international bill of comedians, and they had a pool of 64 amateur and professional comedians from all over Canada, the U.S., South Africa, England, and Ireland. I was told by one of the organizers that there was also an Australian comedian scheduled to be on the bill, but he got turned away by customs in L.A. There were no details as to why he was turned away, so we are left with our imagination.

The finals were held on April Fool's Day and it was quite an event. There were six large cameras placed strategically around the club, and the atmosphere behind the scenes was tense (the show will air on the Comedy Network in Canada later in 2007). I'm told that last year's Laugh-Off went over four hours, so they were trying to reduce that down to under three (it ended up being a tight 2-1/2 hours).

It was a sold out house (they seat at least 300 at that club) and the cameras added an extra bit of electricity to the already pumped audience. Yuks owner, Mark Breslin, hosted the show and traded in his white tux (which he wore last year) for a black pinstripe suit. The celebrity judges were as follows: Michael Cox (talent executive for the Showbiz Show with David Spade), Bruce Hills (COO of the Just for Laughs Festival), Brent Haynes (Comedy Network), and Eddie Brill (comedian and booker for the Letterman show).

After a week of great comedy, the finalists on Sunday night were: Pio Modi (Hamilton, ON), Michelle Shaugnessy (Toronto, ON), Dylan Mandlsohn (Toronto, ON), Greg Cochrane (Toronto, ON), Paul Myrehaug (Toronto, ON), Matt Billon (Toronto, ON), Jennifer Grant (Vancouver, BC), and Al Prodgers (Capetown, SA).

Breslin announced early on that some people felt that last year's second place winner should have won more than a set of steak knives. So he brought out a replacement second prize: a full set of cutlery.

Last year's winner, Jeff McEnery, did a very funny set--bringing back a medley of his greatest hits from last year (you can check out part of his winning set on YouTube).



And the winner of the $25,000 prize and the title of Great Canadian Laugh Off Champion went to: Paul Myrehaug!

The second place winner of that wonderful cutlery went to: Dylan Mandlsohn!

There was a big bang as two canons went off and streamers filled the stage. Amid the hoopla, there appeared a very pretty blonde girl in a sparkly green outfit displaying the classic Big Check.

Nick has announced the 13 moms who will compete for the title of Funniest Mom:

Vicki Barbolak, Vista, CA
Brent Burgess, Burlington, NC
Pat Candaras, Brooklyn, NY
Jan Davidson, Santa Monica, CA
Kim DeShields, Amherst, MA
Janine Hayes (INTERNET PICK), Haverhill, MA
Andrea Henry, Norton, MA
Angela Hoover, Las Vegas, NV
Emily J, Roy, UT
Cathy Ladman, Santa Monica, CA
Ms. Pat (Patricia Lee), Riverdale, GA
Stephanie McHugh, Westminster, CO
Carol Montgomery, New York, NY

One contestant is described thusly:

...a relative rookie in the comedy world who decided just months ago that it was time for her to pursue her life-long dream of being a stand-up comedian.

Let's see if we understand correctly: There are not enough women in America and Canada who have given birth and also done standup to the point where they can headline? Why would the producers put up rookies for Funniest Mom? How might that eventually benefit the show and the cable outlet? Wouldn't they benefit the most from stocking the show with 13 accomplished comedians? That way, the winner could be pumped through the casinos and comedy clubs for a full year to promote the next season. Or at least that's the theory. (Has anyone heard from the past winners?) To our knowledge, the only 20-year pros on the list are Ladman and Montgomery.

It'll be hosted by Roseanne Barr with celebrity judges Hal Sparks and Kim Coles. It will debut on Tuesday, April 10 and wrap up on Mother's Day which, this year, falls on May 13.

Perhaps it's time that shows like this one (shows about standup comedy) hire comedians to produce the show and coordinate the talent, rather than just hire comedians as celebrity judges.

Folks who attend the various LCS functions are sending in anonymous updates-- gonzo accounts of what went on.

We got the following over the cyber-transom:

The LCS auditions in San Antonio where a disaster. I flew from NYC to the auditions (plane ticket was only $99 each way so I thought what the hell). I arrived on Wednesday, and the auditions were set for Thursday at 9 AM. I checked out the club and the local area. The club was in the a small mall right next door to the Alamo.

I hung around the mall because there was nothing else to do. On Wednesday around 2 or 3, there appeared signs on some of the doors instructing LCS auditioners to go to a parking lot some distance from the actual comedy club on Wednesday, no earlier than 6:30 PM.

At 6:30 I drove by the lot looking for anything. There was no sign, nothing. I went past the lot another four times throughout the night before I went to see Alonzo Bodden's show at 8:30 PM. There was no line, nothing in the lot except cars. I figured, since this is not NYC or LA, people will not be lining up two days in advance.

The entire LCS production staff was at Bodden's show (I know this because Alonzo did at least five minutes of material just for them-- jokes the rest of us did not get because they referenced specific people and things that happened behind the scenes of the show. I also know they were all there because Alonzo said so from the stage.)

I went back to my crappy hotel room, slept and woke up at 5 AM and headed over. When I got there, there were about 50 or so comics all waiting in the parking deck right outside the door to the mall where the comedy club started. This is what I wanted, not to go first, and not to go last. Around 8 AM two production people came into the parking lot and told us we could not audition. They said that last night they gave out tickets to 130 people to audition.

The crowd went wild. Many people screamed that the auditions were today at 9 AM not yesterday at 6:30 PM. These cries fell on deaf ears. The production people told us that they can not control when people line up and they were sorry. I informed them that there was no line in the parking lot like they said. A PA got really mad and said he was there all night (or until he gave out the last ticket and then went over to the comedy club to check out Alonzo's show). This yelling match went on for about 30 minutes. During that time someone called the local news station.

A news camera showed up, the guy filmed for about 2 minutes before the LCS production team had mall security shut him down. One guy who was with us worked for a radio show and happened to have all his equipment there. He quickly hooked it up and taped everything. Then they noticed him taping and asked for him to stop. He refused. He asked for their names and they would not give them (what's funny about him is he taped all this stuff, they realized what he had. and mysteriously, he was granted an audition). They continued to argue with the LCS guys but got nowhere.

Ant shows up. People are yelling. Ant asks a comic what happened. Instead of the comic telling him in a rational way he just yells, "They are trying to screw us over." Ant turns to the blonde female production person (the same girl who hands out paperwork and takes your picture every year) and pulls her inside. Through the door we see Ant yelling at her, pointing to us. I was shocked, he was actually fighting to get comics auditions.

After this happened "comic" (name withheld) showed up. She informed us that she had two tickets, and would sell one for $2,000 (one ticket was for her the other for her bodyguard/manager). One comic went to punch her in the face but then stopped. She laughs and says it's her first time on stage. More comics scream.

The production people come out again. Robert (one of the three who they sent out to calm us down) says there is nothing he can do. They can not add a show, and they are sorry but the tickets were a last-minute thing because the mall put restrictions on the number of people they could have line up. What Robert did not know is while he was inside, some comics with tickets showed up and explained to the rest of us what the ticket thing was.

The club employees would not give out any information on the phone, they just told us to show up at the club. Some comics from the area called their friends and told them to go to the parking lot. They all described the same thing: A young dude with black hair sitting in his car text messaging people. There was no sign, nothing. If you walked around and said "Last comic standing" the dude would look up from his phone and give you a ticket and say "good luck." Everyone said the same thing: it was like a movie drug deal.

Robert told us to all go home. People yelled. I asked him about the Tempe auditions and if we put our names down could we get a scheduled spot for that. He said that was something he could do. He then said that they might be able to see some of us. He asked for the list that we kept of the people there and that, if they had time, they would see people in the order that they are on that list. Problem was, not everyone knew about the list. Funny thing about that too, is the guy who was keeping the list (he was not #1 on it) got an audition later on that day. Robert tells us that they will check people in at 9 AM and if the people with the tickets do not show up at 9 AM sharp, they will loose their spot and this would help them get through the people with tickets in order to get to us. He told us that at 4 PM, they would give us an update. Some people, like myself, decided to hang around.

At noon, security told us we could not hang out by the comedy club because we were disturbing mall customers. The comedy club is away from all other stores except the movie theater. We had to leave. LCS people told us to go to the parking lot on the other side of the mall and they would show up at 4 PM with instructions.

At 4 PM, three people from the show come by. They inform us that they are moving through the ticketed people faster than expected, they were extending the audition by a half hour and should be able to see half of the people on the list. Good news. Then remaining comics start taking attendance and going through the list crossing off all the people who left. The original list had 98 people on it, the new list had 48. Based on what the production person told us, we should all be able to be seen then. He said he would come back at 5 and start taking people.

Five o'clock came and went. 5:30 came and went. At 5 of 6, he shows up with the blonde girl and gives a speech. "Okay, guys we are going to start taking you now. We're filming until 6:30 so, if you're not seen by 6:30 you can go home. Thank you for coming out." He then took the first TWO people on the list. They walked away and I knew we were not getting seen. They never came back.

At 6:25 a group of about 30 comics went back to the club. When we got there they had already taken all the comics inside. One comic was with us and someone on the production staff knew her. He said to her, "Have you been seen yet?" She replied, "No," so he told her to go with him, and he got her the audition.

I did receive a call on Sunday night from the production people to do the audition in Tempe, but the plane tickets there, at the last minute, were about $600. More than I want to invest in such a long shot, I'll just buy Mega Millions tickets instead.

Sounds like fun! Sounds exactly like what we all got into standup comedy for!

It's a sweet gig for Ted Alexandro. He's the point man on Comedy Central's Crash Course in Comedy, an online, interactive comedy course, sponsored by Hyundai. He'll star in "10 broadband video classes" that will form the nucleus of the curriculum.

In this school, laughter is required, humor is a prerequisite and the desire to be on the road is a must. Today, comedycentral.com is opening up registration to "Crash Course In Comedy"-- the first-ever interactive online comedy school for wannabe stand-up comedians.

Get ready. In a few short months we'll be treated to a Comedy Central Presents which stars one of the first graduates of Comedy Central's Crash Course in Comedy! Stand back and watch the flood of graduates that clog the clubs in New York City, Los Angeles, St. Louis and all points in between. In a year or two, we'll be hearing of agents and managers who advise their clients (some of them three- or five-year veterans) that they must take the CC'sCCinC, if they want to be considered for spots on that network's programming or slots on CC writing staffs.

Are too cynical?

Are we cynical enough?

(Thanks to FOS Tommy James for shoveling so many press releases our way!)

A NYPost article claims that...

...Bravo has temporarily shelved two of Griffin's four comedy specials that used to be in regular rotation because hefty portions refer to Smith. In her 2004 special, "Kathy Griffin: The D-List," Griffin joked, "You don't recover from your mother being Anna Nicole Smith," referring to Smith's son, the late Daniel Smith. "It's over. See you at Promises (the Malibu rehab center)."

Live by the sword...

Mocking celebs carries with it the danger that the celeb might expire, taking the hilarity with her/him.

In 1947, the Martinsville Speedway was "carved... out of the red clay of Henry County" in the middle of nowhere, down near the bottom of Virginia.

Sixty years later, the Male and Female Halves of the Staff were seated in the dining room of the Holiday Inn Express in Clemmons, NC, one hour south of Martinsville, when a kindly stranger asked them if they'd like two tickets to the race that afternoon. For free. No charge. Row 39, Section H of the Blue Ridge Tower, just a couple feet to the left of the Finish Line. We initially declined his offer. About 45 seconds later, we came to our senses.

What were we thinking? Turn down NASCAR TICKETS? How often does one get to go to a NASCAR race? For free? And there were two passes to the Fan Zone Hospitality Chalet ("Appearance by Dale Earnhardt, JR., TBD!") So, not only were we going to see a real, live stock car race, we were also going to have a chance to get up close and personal with Junior!

We don't know all that much about NASCAR, but we do know that you don't pass up free tickets and you don't ever (ever!) pass on a chance to get near No. 8!




What we most definitely did not know about NASCAR is that there is traffic of gargantuan proportions for three miles approaching the track from the south. (We speculated that there must be an old joke about travelling three miles an hour in order to witness fifty men driving 85 miles an hour for three hours.) Route 220 north is the primary funnel into the area from North Carolina and it took us two hours to go the last 11,000 feet. So much for getting a photo op with Junior.

We parked the Cobalt in a muddy lot packed with tour buses. We walked the quarter mile to the track. We could hear the pre-race introductions (with the attendant booing and cheering from the crowd of 65,000), and we found our seats in plenty of time to see the Pledge of Allegiance, the convocation, the National Anthem, the flyover by the jets and Richard Petty say, "Gentlemen, start your engines!" (The Female Half spotted him first. She nudged the Male Half and said, pointing at the man clad in black, "Hey, look who it is!" The Male Half, dazzled by the spectacle and unable to think clearly guessed-- Johnny Cash? Gary Muledeer? Fortunately the lame guesses were muttered, otherwise, we would have been pummelled.)



And start their engines they did!

The fans to our left, two gentlemen from New York, were full of information and interesting factoids. One thing, they told us, that folks who have never witnessed a race in person are not prepared for, is the smell. They were right. The acrid scent of fuel and burning rubber wafts up into the stands, even reaching our Row 39, almost as soon as the cars take their first few paced laps.

Then they asked us if we had brought our earplugs.

Earplugs?

There is the matter of the sound. As the pace quickened and the tension mounted and the crowd anticipated the waving of the green flag to start the race in earnest, it built and then it built some more. At first, it was equivalent to, say, the noisiest machine you've ever had the misfortune of walking past-- a jack hammer, or a large generator, maybe. Then it ratchets up and up and up and, just when you think it can't get any louder, it quadruples. And then... well, then it gets louder.

When all 48 vehicles rounded Turn 2, on the opposite side of the track from us, they all came out of the turn and headed for their first straightaway and the noise was so horrific that it struck fear in our hearts. The Male Half turned to the Female Half somewhere during Lap 4 and shouted, "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"

Indeed it seemed so. The smell, the colors, the motion, the cigarette smoke, the roar of 48 Cars of the Future-- it made the heart race, it caused the manufacture of adrenalin in unprecedented amounts, it triggered the flight response. In spite of the beauty and the wonder and the spectacle, it engendered a bizarre, simultaneous feeling of exhilaration and doom-- a certain feeling that someone, quite possibly one or both of us, or all of us-- was going to die! And in spectacular fashion! With lucrative corporate sponsorship! Brought to you by Fox!

Roundabout Lap 10, the Male Half was tearing apart a plastic bag and stuffing small clods of polypropylene into his ears. The Female Half managed to find a tissue in her purse, which was pressed into service immediately. After that, we were able to relax somewhat and enjoy the carnival that is NASCAR.

It is amazing that someone isn't killed every five minutes or so. And, we're told, Martinsville is the smallest track on the circuit. On such a small oval, it's said, the speeds are relatively tame! It's still ridiculous, though, that nearly 50 automobiles are doing 80 or 90 on the straightaways with not more than and inch or two between them.

The small track also means that we weren't very far from the action. And from our vantage point, we were practically looking over the shoulders of the race crews as the racers came in to the pits under the yellow flag.

How anyone makes it out alive is a mystery. The Female Half is surprised that NASCAR doens't have some sort of Zamboni-like machine that, instead of smoothing out the ice, scoops up all the dead drivers, pit crew members and spectators. A Zam-Body, perhaps.

Ah, the advantages of being a standup comic-- free for an afternoon, tix to a major sporting event dropped into our laps, able to catch a life-altering event on the way home from a gig.

The Montreal Gazette has the latest JFL news.

Citing a program "overhaul," Bruce Hills says there won't be a Montreal Show this July at the Festival.

One of the most popular festival series and among the first to sell out every year, its cancellation is a hard hit for local comics, many of whom have sprung to fame following gigs on the show.

"First the Expos, now this," cracks D.J. McCarthey, who credits his launch into the comedy bigs to the series. "The show did have a hell of a run, but I really feel bad for the young guys. It was a great place to showcase. It would have also been nice to keep the show around for the 25th anniversary this summer."

And Bobby Slayton won't be hosting The Nasty Show. No reason given, but we figure it's because Slayton has inked a deal to headline a new room at Hooters Casino in Vegas, starting April 20 and continuing, as they say in Vegas, indefinitely.

To accommodate Slayton's show, Hooters Casino Hotel transformed "13" Martini Bar into the Night Owl Showroom, a 300-seat cabaret-style entertainment venue with an expanded stage, state-of-the-art lighting and sound system, and box office. Seating is available on two levels to ensure optimal viewing of the performance. Throughout the show, guests can enjoy cocktails served by an attentive wait staff.

Attentive! That's the word we would use!

Read the entire press release here.

While driving back from a weekend engagement in North Carolina, we fielded an inquiry from Sean O'Driscoll, working on a piece for the AP on the viral video that featured the questionable rapping talents of White House advisor Karl Rove.

The question, as O'Driscoll framed it, was: Had Roves antics effectively killed the phenomenon of geeky white guys attempting to rap for the amusement of others? Our answer:

Brian McKim, editor of the online magazine for stand ups, Sheckymagazine.com, remembers novelty white rap becoming a club cliché 20 years ago, used by everyone from Mel Brooks to Rodney Dangerfield.

"You had a lot of white comedians who seemed to end their set with a rap. They thought they were being original-- you know the incongruity of this white square rapper - but it was unhip even back then." McKim saw the genre somehow "limp on and on" and hoped that the beyond-parody awfulness of Britney Spears ex, Kevin Federline, had killed it off completely.

"Hopefully, Karl Rove has also put one of many nails in its coffin. I don't understand how it keeps going," he said.

In all fairness to Rove, it seems he was dragged onstage at the Radio & Television Correspondents annual dinner by members of the cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway-- of course, it was probably all worked out ahead of time, but the WLIIA boys probably wrote it up for him.

Read the whole thing for quotes from Weird Al Yankovich and SHECKYmag columnist Doug Hecox.

Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn is the gaudy byline on an AP article about the demise of one of the most successful sitcoms in television history, King of Queens.

Is that bombast? Exaggeration? Certainly not-- Nine seasons, solid ratings throughout, 200-plus episodes and, says Littlejohn, the series "delivers like gangbusters in syndication." Is anyone quibbling with the show on aesthetic grounds? We would submit that James is vastly underrated, the sitcom is consistently well-written and the characters likeable and Jerry Stiller's performance has been criminally overlooked.

For all that, James and crew have been treated as invisible by CBS and the Emmy folks have all but ignored them. And the MSM isn't exactly doing features on King of Queens parties or doing up-close-and-personal pieces on James or the rest of the cast.

While other networks have pushed out comedy after comedy about young, good-looking, upwardly mobile characters-- including NBC which developed, then passed on King of Queens-- CBS cashed in on its funny, overweight delivery guy.[...]

With sitcoms continuing to struggle on television-- and studios, networks and producers looking at ways to reinvent the genre-- the irony of the success of King of Queens is that it was rooted in a format that many would say is dead.

Is there any irony here, except in the minds of television executives and TV critics? Irony? Can someone explain to us how there is one bit of irony in this situation? The TV execs and the TV critics are constantly saying that the sitcom is dead... yet another sitcom comes along and draws 8 to 12 million people per episode in a time of declining overall ratings... it does so for nine seasons... with a format that is simple and traditional... all while the execs at the sitcom's own network (!) promote it poorly and the Academy folks refuse to acknowledge its existence.

Well, this sitcom is dead... and guess who killed it? (Of course, it took these ghouls nine years to do it, but at least they proved their thesis!)

We love the quote from the Sony suit:

"If you look at the younger generation, they want to see something other than the traditional family with the couch in the living room and the staircase going upstairs," says Steve Mosko, president of Sony Pictures Television.

Do they?

He continues, referring to K.O.Q.:

"But these types of comedies work," he adds. "It really gets down to: Can they execute the format? Is the writing good? In the case of King of Queens it was, and it stood the test of time."

Behold: A television executive arguing with himself in front of an Associated Press reporter. It is to laugh.

Oh, and one more thing-- it starred a middle-aged standup comic. Don't even get us started on that.

Today is April 1, 2007. Eight years ago to the day, we launched the first issue (back then, this publication was a monthly) of SHECKYmagazine.com, with the help of friends like Bob Zany (our first interview), Jim Myers (our first Question 21) and Brian Whalen (at the time, our only columnist).

It was 1999 and, relatively speaking, there weren't all that many people (or comedians) hooked up to the internet. We uploaded that first edition and checked the stats incessantly, seeking reassurance that there was some kind of demand for what it was we were cranking out. We vowed that if the traffic were to flatten out or drop off, we would fold the whole thing and move on to other projects.

One other vow was that we would never charge for the content-- it would be free to anyone who had a computer and a modem.

Well, eight years later, we had our first million-hit month. So we're not about to fold the tent just yet. It is apparent from our stats that there's a demand. We've been constantly engaged in efforts to increase the visibility of the mag, promoting it via hits in the mainstream media-- in the last year, we've been quoted or cited in USA Today, the Wall Street Journal and on National Public Radio.

And we are determined to keep the content free. That's the tricky part. Some of you have noticed that we have some advertisers. And, while that's brought in some revenue, we've yet to turn a profit. And there are some costs involved in providing our readers with the coverage they've come to expect from the WWW's most beloved magazine about standup-- Hosting fees, equipment, other operating costs, etc. And we've taken gobs of time off over the past eight summers to make the trek-- on our own dime-- to cover the Festival Just For Laughs. (Last year alone, we covered JFL, the Boston Fest and the NY Underground Fest!)

This past weekend, we were in the car a lot and we found ourselves, on more than one occasion, listening to various local NPR affiliates begging for cash-- it must be Pledge Week in Public Broadcasting Land. So we figured that we'd do the same and pass the cyber hat ourselves.

What do we ask? How about $12.00? A buck for each month in the coming year. If you want to give more, feel free! If you can't give us anything, we totally understand and we thank you for reading and for supporting us in other ways!

Just click on the Make A Donation button on the lefthand column!

Either way, we look forward to another great year and, like we said, if it weren't for our readers, we would have long ago packed it in! Thanks!

Read the New York Times article by Jane Wollman Rusoff on the "Condo Circuit":

Here, at the height of the winter season in retiree complexes, it's showtime for year-round residents and snowbirds alike nearly every night of the week. From December to April, there are singers, musical revues, and Elvis and Liberace impersonators. But by far the most popular entertainers are the stand-up comedians who have or would have once worked the Catskill Mountains resorts known as the borscht belt. When it comes to shows at the condos, South Florida might just as well be called the Catskills redux.

Pay no attention to the erroneous caption under the small photo to the left. That's Shecky Greene on the left, not Lonnie Shorr-- Either the pic was flopped for layout purposes, or someone at the NYT doesn't know his/her legendary comedians.

We've heard stories of the Condo Circuit. The NYT piece is three pages long and gives one a good idea of what goes on in "Heaven's Waiting Room." It's not all ancient Catskillians onstage.

Younger comedians whose material resonates with the aging residents are hard to find. But Century Village, a large complex with nearly 30,000 units in four communities-- Red Buttons was its spokesman in commercials-- has found one in Wendy Liebman, 46. The condo bills her as "A Nice Jewish Girl."

There are many ways to make a living as a standup comic and multiple venues to do it in. Read the whole thing for quotes from Jack Carter and Freddie Roman.