Hi, this is Dave Little and this morning I had to buy a cup for my 10 year old who plays Little League and if I was a macho no-guts, no-glory, nice-guys- finish-last, jerk father I'd talk about how I purchased an adult large cup because my son is a chip off the old block and he's huge and I realize this is bordering on the gross and creepy maybe it's already there.

So let me just say that we got the youth small and when we got home he put the cup on and walked around the house rapping his fist on it and saying "Knock, knock. Who's there?" and unfortunately it made me laugh really hard so he kept doing it and then my youngest son came in the room, saw that I was laughing at what my oldest son was doing so he did it only he wasn't wearing a cup and all of a sudden my wife came home from her morning run and all she knew was that Jake and I were convulsed in laughter and poor Cal was rolled up in a ball on the floor crying his brains out so she turns to me and gives me the evil stink eye.

So Jake and I run outside and he hides in a tree behind the alley and I've got nowhere to hide because everything's in my wife's name, which was not the smartest thing to do but I was in love and medicated and desperate to get married so I wouldn't get deported back to Thailand and I bet it's become clear that my wife never reads these little skits I write, which is not to say she doesn't care about my "career" and I'm putting career in parentheses because that's what she does when we have those "state of the family" addresses and I'm a little uncomfortable because she's behind a podium reading from a teleprompter and I have to raise my hand to talk and wait till she recognizes me and I have to call her "Madame President" and at her last press conference the focus was on the fact that I was doing a poor job cleaning up the dog poop in our backyard or as she calls it, eradicating the weapons of mass destruction and that the GNP of the household has been on the decline since 1990 which coincidentally was the year that we got married, and just as I got up from the chair to point out that, while I don't contribute much in terms of income, I am an excellent beer drinker, my next door neighbor, who was dressed as a secret service agent, comes flying through the air and wrestles me to the ground then takes my bottle opener and a nudie pen and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I always hear people talk about what a dangerous place the world has become but I bet you that Custer would disagree.