KEEP IT TIGHT

I've never liked Valentine's Day. To me, it's an embarrassing holiday. As with all emotional baggage, the trauma began way back in elementary school and, as much as I hate to disappoint you, I'm not about to tell a sad tale about a little girl who sat alone while all the other little girls received cards from their dreamy male classmates. Quite the contrary. I was the little girl who received ALL the cards from EVERY boy in my grade, not just in my class.

I clearly remember the humiliation as the cards piled up on my desk along with candy, flowers and the occassional piece of dime store jewelry. I didn't want the attention, I didn't want the other girls to hate me, but sadly, I had both. The moral of the story: popular kids are just as screwed up as the freaks and geeks. We just have different stories to tell.

Early on in our relationship, my husband-then boyfriend-would buy me the obligatory Valentine's Day gift. After a few years, I put a stop to this practice, saving him a fortune on overpriced flowers. This is just one of the reasons why he is the luckiest man in the world. (The other, of course, is that I'm a former gymnast.)

For those of you who haven't yet made the connection, I am married to SHECKY! Editor-In-Chief and Head HTM-elf, Brian McKim. Some of you are now saying to yourselves, "Oh, so that's how she got her own column?" Well, the truth is, as Managing Editor and co-creator of this here publication, I gave myself a column. The reason Brian has his own column is because he's sleeping with me.

Brian and I have been married for 11 years, which is quite long by show business standards. I'm often asked by folks both inside and outside the biz what it's like to be married to a standup comic. My standard answer has become, "Why don't you ask my husband?"

We met back in 1984 at the Comedy Factory Outlet in Philadelphia. My then brother-in-law owned the club and Brian was one of the regular comics. At the time, I was an 18 year old groupie. (Yet one more reason why he is the luckiest man in the wold.)

A year after we started dating, Brian convinced me to try standup. In 1988 we were married in Hawaii and Brian auditioned at the local comedy club during our honeymoon. Most people were appauld at his mixing of business and pleasure, but that little audition enabled us to work in Honolulu on 4 different occassions.

While we often work together, we remain two separate acts and many wonder why we don't work together onstage as a team. The reasons are two fold. For one thing, we wouldn't make as much money as a team as we do as individual comics, but more importantly, as we always love to say, "Onstage is the only time we can get away from each other."

Our situation is the envy of many of our fellow comics. The road can be a very difficult and lonely place, but being together turns every trip into a mini-vacation. We know how lucky we are!

Brian and I will be working in Hawaii again this month and as we sit on our lanai drinking mai tais, I'll think about all those 3rd grade girls who once wanted to tear my hair out. More importantly, I'll think about all the little 9 year old Romeos who tried in vain to win my love and I'll take that opportunity to once again remind my husband that he is the luckiest man in the world.