Reality Shows. They're all the rage. We tune in by the millions to see if the kid from Sault Ste Marie, MI, will chug 2 liters of cod liver in under two minutes. Will the girl from Columbia, MO, get to marry the yummy looking stud, who, up until this point, could not find a woman? It's edge-of-your-seat excitement when we watch the Memphis Police chase a guy in a beat-up Impala down to Mississippi. Who doesn't love the spectacle of a rude British guy telling a bunch of no-talent teen singers that they need to keep their day jobs. The funniest show of this last year was not a sitcom, but the real life of the world's most notorious rocker and his family. Who knew all those drugs and alcohol would have made him a stuttering incoherent idiot? Who could forget where they were when they tuned into the granddaddy of them all, the show that put "six people together to see how life is when people stop being polite and start being real." We all know where we were when Puck ate Pedro's peanut butter.

It was only a matter of time before this fad caught up with the art of standup comedy. NBC has started a search for the "Funniest Person in America." The show is titled Last Comic Standing and the best way to describe it is American Idol meets Big Brother.

Jay Mohr, of Jerry McGuire fame, is host and producer of the show.

Comedians from all over America will audition at several different locations. Each location will have a preliminary audition starting at 10AM and then later on that day a competition among 12-17 acts, of which 1-3 comics will be chosen to advance to the next round in a different location, until they whittle the field of comedians down to 10.

This is where the show takes a twist. The remaining ten comedians will move into a house for six weeks and, from that point on, America will vote them out one at a time. According to a production assistant (PA) there will be "joke-offs" between comedians that will make them immune to being voted out. But as of this moment that has not been confirmed.

I attended the first audition in Chicago on Sunday, December 15th, at a little blues bar called Blue Chicago. Arriving at 9AM there was already a bit of a line. The guys in the front showed up at 7:30 that morning. Fifteen minutes before the auditions started, a PA came around to hand out contestant applications and waivers. These forms were numbered at the top (and that number determined your order of performance). I received #33. After reading through it, I could distill it down to this: "you in no way will be reimbursed, compensated, or receive any money for your image that may or may not be used from this audition. The images shot during the audition are the property of the producers and can be shown in whatever way they choose" Translation: If we show you 1,000 times in a commercial promoting the show, you get nothing. The image I conjure up is of the girl who sang Genie In A Bottle really bad & out of key, on the American Idol commercials. If you did really bad or have a messed up bit, they can cut the 2 seconds of footage and air it over and over and over.

As the doors opened at 10AM and people moved around the building, they warned us that each comedian has three minutes and the judges, Bob Read and Ross Mark, of the Tonight Show could end your audition at anytime.

Meanwhile, the line of people outside grew longer. By 10:30 there were 150 acts in line. It was not too bad of a weather day for Chicago. It was mild, 37 degrees, with a slight wind. Bearable, but not for long periods of time, which would be the key. The line moved hardly at all the first two hours and the weather was starting to get to those of us in the line. Now the big complaint was how cold everyone was. There was some relief in sight, because they brought the acts in five at a time and allowed them to warm up before going on stage in front of the judges.

To pass the time, those of us in line did your typical stuff to kill time, we talked about Star Wars and how I was fat like a Ton Ton and if someone would cut my belly open several of them could crawl in for warmth. (After that line, came the other lines from the movie, "smells as bad inside as out") It came down to who was the truly Uber Star Wars Nerd. Which at this point I was not in the running for, until my wireless phone rang. I had my ring tone set to play the Imperial March, (the song you hear every time Darth Vador is walks into a scene).

Other groups up and down the line had their own thing going and at the very end of the line several comedians were drinking to keep warm. They needed it. If I was #33 and had not gotten in by 1PM, I shuddered at the wait for someone in the low hundreds.

About 11AM a camera crew came out and went down the line asking people where they were from, and why did they come. Some of the stock answers were "I just want a chance to get some exposure" or "I was told I was really funny and figured I would try." They were looking for funny things people would say or do. One group was asked if they were NBC material and one person started with "Yea I'm like Will Smith. I have a face for NBC." Then another guy came up behind him and said, "I am like Will Smith, too. I don't hang out with DJ Jazzy Jeff anymore either." This the producer liked, but he asked them to do it again because the Guy #2 was wearing a hat with the Caterpillar logo and asked him to remove it for take two.

During the wait, the occasional comedian would come out with a camera crew in tow. These comics, we figured out, were the ones who had been asked to come back for the second round of auditions. There were quite a few people chosen to come back.

Group BS-ing went on for a couple more hours. The group I was a part of, #30-34, was sent in around 2:30 to the kitchen area in the back of the club. Finally some relief from the cold, sort of. Since the heat was not on at all, it was just a bit warmer. We met up with the tail end of the #25-29 group and they filled us in on what the judges were doing. The first one or two people in line could look through the window on the door and see what was going on. The group just before us had three people go up and two were asked to come back. This led the other two at the tail end of #25-29 to conclude that the judges like animated comedy. We also noted that the people that had been asked to come back from the earlier batches were known as animated comedians.

Catering came around and the judges and producers took a 30-minute break. Lucky for those of us in the kitchen, we got to come out to the taping area and sit were it was warm. For the first time in hours I could feel my toes.

Taping resumed and my number got closer and closer. The comedian I came to the audition with, Jason Dixie, was #30 and, after a last-minute change of set, he went with an animated bit and was chosen. The camera crew followed him as he exited through the kitchen. He stopped, I shook his hand and congratulated him. At this point I was second guessing the set I was planning on doing and at the last minute went with a newer bit I had just started doing that had some animation and physicality to it. I watched through the window as #31 & #32 went down to defeat. The looks on Read's and Mark's face were stone cold, betraying no emotion. Numbers #31 & 32 were stopped early and walked out the front door with no camera crew. Now it was my turn. I was asked if I wanted a mic on a stand or loose? I chose a loose mic. I headed to the stage and started out with my normal opening joke. It's short but it draws a huge laugh at the punch. It evoked no emotion, as was expected. I went into my new bit, set it up-- at that point I realized I need to work on the set up, make it shorter. I get to the punch, where I am singing and dancing like an Oompa Loompa, and I here "Thank you, Peter"-- right in the middle. I collect my stuff and walk out.

Unbeknownst to me, I was being followed by a camera crew. I get to the door and the camera man steps around me and I realize I was looking at the floor all the way out. They had captured me doing the "walk of shame."

I met up with my Jason Dixie. He was asked to stay for round two. He told me that round two started at 5PM, but the line was still considerably long at this point. It was 4PM and they had reached maybe #60. Several people started walking away when it was announced that the producers were going to stop at 5PM and that the rest of the line should go home. Sure enough people were turned away. They were given a flyer that invited them to the next audition in St. Louis on the 18th.

5PM rolled around and the winners of round one were all at the front door. The producers and crew were taking a break. Round two would start at 5:30PM. The comedians were asked to meet in the back at the kitchen entrance.

Jason and another comedian from Minneapolis had comedians with them that were sharing a ride. They asked if they could sit in the taping area or maybe hang out in the back where the comedians waited so they wouldn't freeze. One of the producers allowed the comedian from Minnesota and me to stay in the kitchen area until they instructed us to leave. This was nice because they forgot to ask us to leave.

Round two started and a camera crew came back to the kitchen area and recorded every thing-- the calls to the stage and reaction shots as they described the stone faces of the judges. As each comedian finished, he came back and did a little testimonial to the camera ("I did well," or "I didn't do well," or "I feel I got it," etc.). In general it was comedians being comedians back stage. A bit of showboating went on toward the end. At one point, Tim Kaminski, of Full Contact, grabbed me and kissed me. This prompted someone to say, "Hey you're kissing the wrong guy. The one you want is out there sitting at a table." The camera crew enjoyed that. It was nice to see someone from the production crew enjoy something funny going on.

All the comedians finished up and were placed in the kitchen for about 20 minutes. Then the group was brought out to the stage and the winners were announced.

Two acts were picked to move on to the next round in New York. One male, one female.

It was a long day. And even though we only see the highlights on TV there is a lot of downtime and just plain unentertaining moments that are filmed in a reality television show.